We have had a few days where it got warm,  well warm after what we have dealt with.  Then we had ice and I mean horrible stuff! We would chop and chop when the sun warmed it and then while we rested each evening,  it would freeze up all over again.

I know before long it will be just and ugly memory.   Soon we will  be seeing  joy spread across our country and gardens bloom once again.  It will fill us with hope and warmth,  which is where I am at today.

Some of you who  follow me on Facebook know the story,  as do most who have read my stories from long ago.  You know I got hurt bad but I survived.  I have loved and lost only to love again.  It really is just basic life isn’t it. Ups and downs,  give and take.

 

  Well the electric bill is so high and 100 gal. of propane cost over $440 and lasts but 3 weeks if we are lucky.  We live on a fixed income, as we are both retired and the checks we get each month are divided up for all of our bills.  Sometimes we can do something fun and other times we find fun close to home. We are better off than many but still poor when it comes to income brought in, so when they refused to bring me more propane on Friday or even to let me order another 100 gal.because we had a $160.00 balance and no income till 8 days later I had to ask the town for help and then I had to do what I tried not to do. I had to ask for fuel assistance.

Now if you know me you know that  it angers me to have to request help.  I am hit by someone doing something wrong and left unable to make the income I used to depend on and they go about their business,  still driving a bus and making good money.  I guess I go from angry to sad but on this day something changed.  I mentioned to the woman taking our application for help that maybe when I hit 60 I could get the Social Security I worked so hard for, as I was the surviving spouse. She looked at me and asked if they said those exact words to me and I answered yes.  She asked me to go home and call the government office as she believed it meant my ex-husband  had died and I was entitled to it now.  Well I did and they confirmed he had indeed passed away and I would now get his check if it was more than mine.  So I made an appointment  for after my birthday and in between surgeries to bring in my marriage certificate into them so they had proof we were married the required amount of years.  Now remember I drove a rig over three million miles and worked hard and missed out  on so many things others enjoyed,  because I LOVED trucking.  So once I go in with this certificate,  I will find out if I can come off State aid and really that is all I am praying for.  I want to be independent again.

While going through paperwork looking for a piece of paper I thought I had thrown away in 1995 I came across so many documents I would no longer need. So out came the paper shredder and I began to rid myself of all that really no longer mattered.  With each piece that got fed through the blades, the weight of it all was not only freeing but sad.  I guess after having a restraining order for over 15 years on him and holding on to all of our records just in case I would need them was 14 years too long.  I made a dent in the massive boxes of trucking paperwork we had amassed in our 15 years of marriage.  The first load was placed into the compost bin where it will sit and be covered by kitchen scraps and breakdown into something good.  It will become beautiful rich soil, for new life to grow  in.  I could not think of a better way to deal with all of this.

So with all of this on my plate I will wander in and out of my blog adding a new one here or there as time allows for and a few interesting blogs from those I follow.  I will do more of this purging and cleaning and letting go and spend my days feeling free from worry.  I will smile more I am sure.  I am sad he destroyed so much and in the end himself but I will pray for him to finally be able to rest in peace, as it is what I wish for each and every troubled soul.

I will continue to read your blogs in my readers,  WP and Feedly and try to keep up,  as I love you all and what you do is important.  You keep it real, you show us pretty places and you write so eloquently. I love the poetry and the stories you tell and I will forever be thankful for the kindness you have shown me.  I am not going anywhere just trying to get my act and home in order so I can have the procedures done and put my feet up in the sun with all of you and enjoy what life has in store.

Talk again soon

 

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