So they say to describe our view out the back door or window to a stranger not sure any who stop here any more are strangers.
You have all seen the barn where I like to hide and do my Art work.
You have seen this place from up on the roof when it is covered with many feet of snow in winter.Most if they have been here have seen the wild birds and pretty flowers too.
So how would I describe this place to a stranger from another world?
Simply stated these days it is my piece of Heaven on Earth
Tag Archive: Life
The last day of March I was not allowed a midnight snack as I would finally go in to have the shoulder addressed.
April Fool’s Day no wonder I was moved up no one else wanted to take a chance I on the other hand was hoping for less pain and more use.
I had PT the next day yes real quick and tomorrow the stitches come out and more work twice a week for 6 to 8 weeks will begin in earnest.
I have a ice cuff I put on after exercises so I have no need for medication.
Life is good!
My son had another show last night in WY and I sat at home painting Roses he had Rose Art to sell and neither of us planned any of it I just decided to chill before surgery with a few hours of painting with a Artist from Russia that lives here locally in NH her name is Marina Forbes.
So all is well just been doing nothing much at all really
Today the plan is to ride down into the city and meet one of the Bloggers I met when I first started mine here. Maybe a quick lunch somewhere and my man can hunt the coastline and JT can meet one of her admirers :)
I will stop by my Moms on way out of Boston as she just had a procedure the same day I did.
Love to all of you
What I did before surgery they did not turn out looking like the Rose in my course but I relaxed and that was my only mission in all that pain
I know I know what kind of TITLE is that! lol
My world actually want to see?
Yard is taking a beating, as well as the road
Let’s have some hot sun
We will need it to dry out this mess!
So many others much worse off but this is not what I want on my mind as they put me under.
Have a safe week everyone!
Earth shaking, Creeks rising, Snow falling, Storms blowing through, if you see Noah send him my way!
Daily Prompt: Que Sera Sera
Do you believe in fate or do you believe you can control your own destiny?
I always thought I was in charge of who I would become or where life would take me but in the end, as those who have followed me from the start know, in my case, it was to be.
Yes life was fun and I had a blast then it was hard so very hard but I made it.
I ran from evil and got strong enough to be blessed with a life that was in the cards for me.
I am so happy with what fate had in store for me :) though everyone would be better off with less pain in their lives I think.
Hope you are like me and find yourself just where you are meant to be. We all deserve to BE HAPPY!
The best day for me to linger would be the day the horrid winter, truly gives up it’s strong hold and allows spring to arrive with all of it’s beauty.
You know the kind of day, snow banks filthy from too many months of winters cold, when the earth lets out a sigh and you witness it begin to drink up the moisture that once would only allow more ice to form. When the frost beneath the yard was just too thick to allow for drainage of any kind to begin. It is the kind of day I wait so long for. I hear about it coming on the news and I get ready. I bring out the table and chair from the barn, yes we are tough here up in the northeast.
As the morning arrives I will be ready. The sun will come up and greet me at the kitchen window, beside the coffee maker where I will stand and wait for it to finish all the while I will soak in the first rays of this special day. By the second cup JT and I will make our way to the table and chair lying in wait for me to sit and linger.
The birds will be signing their absolute prettiest tunes and the Apple tree will have swollen buds as will the Forsythia. This is how I will spend each morning after that first day of warmth, lingering in the yard with my girl, soaking in the suns warmth only from now on with sunscreen.
Having got to the age I am, there are many things others can not make me believe for I have found the truth in living.
That the words our country rises and stands for, All Men Are Created Equal is a lie. All you have to do is step out onto the streets of where you live and it is there for you to see, if you open your eyes.
I believe in my heart there are without a doubt just plain evil people who walk among us, as I found myself married to such a person of ill intent, mostly towards himself as a man but sadly it spilled over onto all he said he loved.
The final one of these things I believe in my heart to be false is believing it is what it is. It is not!. We can change for the better and for the better of all mankind, yes it is not easy but life isn’t but one thing for sure is that you can change yourself, the place you call home and little by little the world we share.
As I wake to this world I am apart of each day I am struck by it’s beauty. Now you know I hate the snow and the extra work we need to do in order to clear it from our path but you know I adore the land.
So first off without a doubt I believe in God. I know without a doubt as it is hard to at times when we look out at all the evil that abounds.
It pains me to see hurt and destruction and so much loss but I believe in God.
I also believe that if man continues to destroy this earth at the rate it has been we won’t exist as a planet for thousands of years to come.
Now they ask for three things we believe in on this challenge and for me I will end on a lighter note.
I know without a doubt each animal I have shared my life with has loved me as much as I loved them.
Be kind to one another and to God’s animals as surly all you need to do is look at a full bird feeder to see so many others can get along with each other.
Daily Prompt: Time After Time
Traditions: we’ve all got ‘em. They might be family dinners on special occasions, or having a particular kind of cake on your birthday (Jeanne Cake, natch), or popcorn at the movies, or meeting your friend for a 5k run in the park, rain or shine, every Sunday morning. What are your favorite traditions, large and small? What is it about your traditions that keep them going strong for you?
You made me think this morning Daily Prompt
I grew up with so many Family Traditions.
We used to go to both sides of our family, for holidays. They would split them up so we would know our Grandparents, Aunts and Uncles as well as our Cousins.
Many miles were laid down. Traveling from our state to theirs. Even with family scattered our parents made the effort for us to be together. I never knew there was any other way to live.
Flash forward fifty eight years from yesterday and really I have no real family. No closeness. Brothers, well two of them, moved to the south and one lives 20 minutes from me but I may as well be on the other side of the world. He is the baby, now 40+ years old but clearly in charge of our mom. I was born first and always cared for the three of them but since dad passed away ten years ago I have been left to make my own traditions as each holiday comes around.
Traditions are a part of each of us, be it currant or just a memory.
I now place a large turkey in the oven, stuffed with deliciousness, no longer getting dressed to see the family for holidays but getting dressed to head out the door. I go for walks with the dog and my special guy. We time it perfectly to arrive back home, as a turkey really just needs one nice basting to crisp up the skin, so it will look beautiful as I sit it at the table for two well the cat and dog will be allowed some on their plates when dinner is done. I make all the traditional side dishes from my childhood and some he remembers as well, see he has no family left at all. We have each other. We happily set out making new traditions together.
Here in the US IHOP is serving up FREE PANCAKES!
Tonight I will make a favorite from Bourbon Street
Jambalaya, I will pass on the King Cake as I am already
Sunday was my best friends birthday who I heard each year
growing up say “I’m 3 days older than you! Well I would remind her
when she turned 50 I would still be 49
Just keeping it real even back then.
Next week the skin cancer on my face will be removed and then I have to take my marriage certificate to the government agency in order to prove I am entitled to my ex-husband SS check. I was told he passed away after Christmas. So many things I could say but it is best to just pray he now rests in peace as now I finally can.
Not sure I will be any better off financially, as I do not know what he has been doing for work if anything, since last seeing him in 1997. Even $10.00 more each month will cover one month electricity each year.
I have been thinking I want to build a Coyote/Hawk proof chicken coop, on skis or wheels, so they can safely free range the property eating all the bugs from one spot to the next. Eggs are a big part of my diet. You see protein helps to keep you full and satisfied longer than empty carbs say like a bag of chips :) I have a friend who is a Body Builder and has been a inspiration to get back into shape pain or no pain and she devourers a dozen a day! I could also sell them for $3.50 a dozen for Organic Eggs and still have plenty for me and cover the cost of anything I would feed them over what they find in the yard.
Can you just picture me outside with my Watercolors watching the chickens peck the ground and clucking all day while that cute little Border Collie begs for yet another toss of her FRISBEE, yes friends life is good, well till I look outside and see RELAITY! It is below 0 temps F and snow up to my head or higher in some piles but seeing where some gradual melt has occurred under trees up on the sunny hill, where there is DIRT!
Always hopeful that is me in a NUTSHELL!
Stay safe everyone
Eunice aka NUTS FOR TREASURE!
We have had a few days where it got warm, well warm after what we have dealt with. Then we had ice and I mean horrible stuff! We would chop and chop when the sun warmed it and then while we rested each evening, it would freeze up all over again.
I know before long it will be just and ugly memory. Soon we will be seeing joy spread across our country and gardens bloom once again. It will fill us with hope and warmth, which is where I am at today.
Some of you who follow me on Facebook know the story, as do most who have read my stories from long ago. You know I got hurt bad but I survived. I have loved and lost only to love again. It really is just basic life isn’t it. Ups and downs, give and take.
Well the electric bill is so high and 100 gal. of propane cost over $440 and lasts but 3 weeks if we are lucky. We live on a fixed income, as we are both retired and the checks we get each month are divided up for all of our bills. Sometimes we can do something fun and other times we find fun close to home. We are better off than many but still poor when it comes to income brought in, so when they refused to bring me more propane on Friday or even to let me order another 100 gal.because we had a $160.00 balance and no income till 8 days later I had to ask the town for help and then I had to do what I tried not to do. I had to ask for fuel assistance.
Now if you know me you know that it angers me to have to request help. I am hit by someone doing something wrong and left unable to make the income I used to depend on and they go about their business, still driving a bus and making good money. I guess I go from angry to sad but on this day something changed. I mentioned to the woman taking our application for help that maybe when I hit 60 I could get the Social Security I worked so hard for, as I was the surviving spouse. She looked at me and asked if they said those exact words to me and I answered yes. She asked me to go home and call the government office as she believed it meant my ex-husband had died and I was entitled to it now. Well I did and they confirmed he had indeed passed away and I would now get his check if it was more than mine. So I made an appointment for after my birthday and in between surgeries to bring in my marriage certificate into them so they had proof we were married the required amount of years. Now remember I drove a rig over three million miles and worked hard and missed out on so many things others enjoyed, because I LOVED trucking. So once I go in with this certificate, I will find out if I can come off State aid and really that is all I am praying for. I want to be independent again.
While going through paperwork looking for a piece of paper I thought I had thrown away in 1995 I came across so many documents I would no longer need. So out came the paper shredder and I began to rid myself of all that really no longer mattered. With each piece that got fed through the blades, the weight of it all was not only freeing but sad. I guess after having a restraining order for over 15 years on him and holding on to all of our records just in case I would need them was 14 years too long. I made a dent in the massive boxes of trucking paperwork we had amassed in our 15 years of marriage. The first load was placed into the compost bin where it will sit and be covered by kitchen scraps and breakdown into something good. It will become beautiful rich soil, for new life to grow in. I could not think of a better way to deal with all of this.
So with all of this on my plate I will wander in and out of my blog adding a new one here or there as time allows for and a few interesting blogs from those I follow. I will do more of this purging and cleaning and letting go and spend my days feeling free from worry. I will smile more I am sure. I am sad he destroyed so much and in the end himself but I will pray for him to finally be able to rest in peace, as it is what I wish for each and every troubled soul.
I will continue to read your blogs in my readers, WP and Feedly and try to keep up, as I love you all and what you do is important. You keep it real, you show us pretty places and you write so eloquently. I love the poetry and the stories you tell and I will forever be thankful for the kindness you have shown me. I am not going anywhere just trying to get my act and home in order so I can have the procedures done and put my feet up in the sun with all of you and enjoy what life has in store.
Talk again soon
Daily Prompt: Mirror, Mirror
Look in the mirror. Does the person you see match the person you feel like on the inside? How much stock do you put in appearances?
Photographers, artists, poets: show us MIRRORED.
Great question put forth by the Daily Prompt. I would have to say most days as I get ready, in front of the mirror and I see myself in the harsh light of day, I am exactly who I appear to be but once I step out of that bathroom and begin my day I am so much younger and still full of dreams yet to come. I stay out of that room as much as I can so I guess I would say in the end I place no stock into who I see in the mirror of mine.
The Sun showed its self
Around about noon.
As the birds came and fed
I scraped the softened snow from the sidewalk,
all the while kicking a ball, to my beautiful dog.
Sidewalk now safe..
Dog happy and content.
Yes pretty for those of you not having to SHOVELI IT! So pretty just to sit and chill looking at folks like me stuck in New England when their hearts are missing the south!
Remember this view?
This one too
Welcome to my world today! Just 24 hours later. The saying here goes “Don’t like the weather, wait a minute!”
Now once again a winter wonderland
Look what he got to move for it’s maiden voyage :)
Messing around while I had my feet up waiting to go out for round 3
The Apple Tree had all kinds of birds on it as the truck or snow thrower or me with my camera spooked them
I am not lying when I say I want YESTERDAY BACK!
Then again I want tomorrow to come too as our very handsome New England Patriots Quarterback will be in Denver to play against Manning. Sure hope they don’t stop to get high well any higher than the Mile High, at the stadium. GO PATS!!!!!
What do girls born and raised in New England do on a warm winter’s day? Well if they own a home and dream of spring days in mid January they go outside! It was in the forty’s yesterday and the sunshine felt good. I dressed warm enough for a little exercise never knowing how much I would actually do as I began.
Now if you are a follower of Living and Lovin you know I love my wild birds. Last year over 300 pounds of just the black oil sunflower seeds were devoured. That is enough for me to use them as dependents on my IRS Tax Form! We the winter is in full swing and they are once again depending on me to help them through. So on this gorgeous day it was time to clean up some of the mess they made as the snow was gone in most parts from where I hang their feeders and spread seed on the ground for all who do not fly up to the many feeders here. What a mess there was of empty shells. So here it was mid January and I had a rake one used for raking leaves in the fall and a snow shovel and a ice chopper. Yes we need many tools when you own a home in New England. I raked the piles up and then picked them up to shovel over the edge where the ducks and ground birds could pick out the corn and unopened shells.
This is one of the piles I was able to shovel and scatter below in the Lilacs and other small bushes.
Seasons here often get mixed up. As you can see by two of the tools I used a lot.
Then it was time to chop ice and do I mean CHOP I hurt so bad after three hours but you see it was going to go back to winter so I had to do all I could.
The yard is so flooded by the beavers downstream my yard ruined once again by the release of a lake in a river that no longer flows downstream. So I had ducks here, three pairs of Mallards.
Snow and sun and no cropping of this shot but you see what I mean. I came in and wrote the State of New Hampshire a note saying to clean the river out of my yard and added lots of pretty photos hope it works.
I grabbed a few wheat thins and a glass of water and some yummy humus for a snack then packed up the cameras and JT and went to the shore. I figured a nice ride after all the work I did and a walk with my best girl at the beach would make me feel better well I hurt real bad on way home but had a beautiful early evening there as her and I walked. I stopped going to Weight Watchers so it is important to stick with the plan and exercise to keep all I have lost OFF even if it KILLS ME :) She found a nasty looking tennis ball for me to throw and I thankfully placed her stick I had been kicking into my back pocket. She always finds treasures just like us. We are a perfect family.
How is that for a pretty way to end a backbreaking day. There are huge seals out on those rocks enjoying the day just like us.
It was nice but not that nice! :)
Now today it is snowing to beat the band as they say in these parts and no matter if I am ready to shovel or not I must. I will try to remember the beautiful night along the shore and when the storm is but a memory head right back over there.
Have a great Weekend
Sorry so many posts lately, as I post too my Custom Pieces blog I also re-blog here and over on 20 Lines D Day.
Want to keep you up with what I am doing to get through the winter months. Photography and Jewelry making and selling them as well.
I had to go see the skin doctor yesterday for my shot and I really thought I would be in and out. Stupidly I asked a question of her “What’s This?” she precedes to tell me we will know for sure when the results come back on the procedure she is about to do. HUH ? Me the SUN LOVIN GIRL? I will not stress and I will start to behave. I am just a few years from 60, YIKES did I say that! I am so NOT 60 LIKE :) That used to be so OLD!!! ! Wait so many of you who I adore are also over 50 so maybe I AM, damn how did that happen lol so yes I am going to continue to have FUN!
After we left we headed towards the sea I always feel better when I can walk and breath in the smells from the salty air. I felt it was right to go there as it is where all the sun damage came from.
I hooked JT to her pretty leash and put a camera into my pants pocket and one around my neck just incase. I know, I am laughing too, when don’t I not put it up to my eye.
Her and I could not legally go onto the beach here with her Daddy, you know the rule breaker I am, well today I was not going to push that envelope. Be good Eunice. So off we went for our walk along the coastal route even though darkness was close I had light colors on so we should be safe though an awful lot of drunk drivers take this road so I was extra careful to keep a watchful eye on my little black pup. I had said to him maybe I will see the sunset and he laughed and said it is already almost done, you won’t see anything except maybe the moon if we stay late enough. Doubting Thomas he is! See I know this world I live in and yes had I been at my regular spot it may have been better in some way but again I was on a beach I spent every day on in my 20′s where sunburns, really bad ones, were this norm for this blonde, blue eyed girl.
As we started out JT found a stick for me to kick for her to scamper after and pick up and give for me to throw again and again or she would drop it up ahead and I would kick and she would chase on her long leash, yes I held it with my good side. Left shoulder too trashed and painful to chance it. So up along the Mansions we went, very few with signs of life in them as it is winter and if you are rich why would you stay.
That box you see off in the distance on the right side of photo is not for birds it is an alarm in case the Nuclear Plant down the street fails then these alarms which are all over the area, will go off letting the residents run for their cars and make a run for a safer place not that I think it will really matter if a Nuke Plant has a failure. None of us will ever be safe.
So much better in person I really wish I had taken some classes on how to take pretty photos as the light disappears.
Yes you can clearly see it is cold in New England.
Just a stunning way to end a day or in my case as the sun comes up or hangs around all day or it sets I love this gorgeous Sun we have to make our life feel so much better, yes I swear it is where I get my Sunny Outlook on LIFE!
This is just the view to the west from my homes roof see all the snow cleared for dog and birds OUCH today was the roofs turn to get cleared. It took 2 hours of constant shoveling to rid all but the south side of the home from 12 Inches of the white stuff WHEN IS SPRING? It is snowing right now and they say maybe another 8″ which is why I was up here
Tonight I am resting up for what they say will be a doozy. Some say 5 inches and others say 12 inches of white fluffy snow will blanket our yard by morning now if you know me I will hope for the 5 inches.
Tonight I went and met up with two of the other members of our garden club for a decadent treat at a new place in town. It was worth every penny! It was funny to leave the house without my boyfriend and my little girl JT but to put my hair up and put a clean outfit on and take off into the snowy night felt like the old days.
I made more jewelry today as I got up each hour to throw out more seed for the Doves, Juncos, Cardinals, sparrows, nuthatches etc. as the little finches hogged the feeders all day hardly letting a seed get by them and dropping to the ground. As I worked on my pieces and watched them frantically eat and eat I knew we going to get nailed by this storm. squirrels’ had been here till 3 PM then they went to their nests. Wonder where all my beautiful birds will spend the night I surly hope in the dense forest behind the house. It was a balmy 16 degrees at 5 PM tonight and only getting colder from that point on. When I woke this morning it was 0 degrees. Sadly winter is upon us yes it will be pretty to look at and I promise you will see some photos as you know me. They will not be perfect but they will tell the REAL STORY.
My shoulder is feeling OK as I had yet another shot on Wednesday. I have an appointment with surgeon to have bicep repaired when I call uncle or spring is on our doorstep you see winter is here and my home and yard require more than just one set of hands and legs to keep it clear and safe. I think I taught my doctor something I hope he remembers for many years to come that not everyone has the money to pay others to do all that needs to be done. I left in tears with him saying he would worry about me on the roof but that he now understood more about the kind of woman I was. I do not shirk responsibilities hurt or healthy.
Back to fun stuff want to see?
I also took out a tree skirt I made as a teenager yes it is ancient and some ornaments I did back then. Perfect night for it belly full of yummy cake snow falling an inch per hour or maybe a little more and the dog at my feet as I write this post. When I come in from shoveling tomorrow morning I will upload some photos for you to see.
Yes I was into sequins back in the 70′s
Have a wonderful night.
Wanted to pop in and say Hello, to all those who still follow me. I am trying to keep up as I slow down.
We are bracing for the winter onslaught to hit and till it does we are trying to prepare the best we can. Order more propane so the truck won’t get stuck, while he is delivering it. Pulling beaver dams so we do not lose all I worked so hard for, THE HOUSE. JT and Rhythm are good. My sweetheart is still getting the old 54/55 Dodge buttoned up to help with snow removal, yesterday we ran 35 miles away to pick up a new heater fan, now to locate defroster hose, in the size needed, so we can keep windows in this old beast clear so he doesn’t destroy the yard. I hate what the plow does to the land but I hate shoveling in pain even more, so we will do what we have to with light shovels on the roof, maybe find a used electric snow thrower for the roof, as my Mom suggests. We have a very old snow blower but I may scrap my Dodge truck with bad tranny to purchase a new one, just in case we do not get enough snow for the plow now isn’t that a pleasant thought! I am always thinking.
I do not see the surgeon till the 11th but some good news, I have started to unfreeze the frozen part of the shoulder, not a lot but I see a difference. The horrible pain of tendon is there but if I use arm slowly it never rears its ugly head. I hate that pain. So depending on my options I will see if I can take one more shot to get through the worst of winter and maybe in March if it has not healed I will let him in to repair it, as our weather will start to look up by then. See always thinking.
I want to hit the gym every other day. With only one car, his truck it is hard. I only have to travel 3 miles each way so it is not bad maybe by spring I could ride a pedal bike that would be awesome.
I have also had a brilliant idea for a business and will apply to the Small Business Association for a loan. I could get out of this way of life if all goes well so please cross your fingers for me maybe your toes too. Thanks!
Holidays are not the same in this life I live now so just a few pretty things placed around the home to remind me it even on its way.
No children, no close family fun times, I will just be celebrating the birth of Christ this year and buying a small gift for a local child who will need a gift to open on Christmas Day. I look at what I used to be able to do for so many and now the new reality is charity begins at home. Save all year for heat and food and an occasional trip to the sea or woods to keep my sanity and not miss my old life so badly which it why I need you to keep the fingers and toes crossed because if all the good thoughts go out maybe just maybe I will have a new path doing good for others in need and getting paid and it is something I can do with my injuries.
Let me leave you with a pretty photo or two to lighten the heaviness of this post I am happy just a realist and life is what it is and there are really millions so much worse off. Which is why I always show you PRETTY THINGS there is enough ugly out there isn’t there.
Have a great week everyone!
I started out early one morning yes before the sun came up, as do most truckers. I had delivered one load of water, with my tanker, a few hours south of Boston. I stopped for coffee, for the ride back up to the mountains for my second load of the day. I walked around my rig kicking each tire as I do after hauling a load for few hours, all was good they were all still up and lights all were working properly so I made my way back into the driver’s seat.
I made the trip up into the mountains of New Hampshire for another tanker full of Spring Water. I took three or four loads a day, six to seven days a week into the bottling plants as we prepared for Y2K, do you remember that in 1999, as the world worried about life as the calendar turned to the year 2000? Well I had hauled rubbish, household waste for years then switched to hauling a nice clean load, one I never got my hands dirty or truck for that matter.
It was a gorgeous day out on the highways and back roads of New England. I reached the top of the mountain where the water came from the spring and backed up to test the water and load the tanker, all 8100 gallons. When it was over flowing I shut off the pump and closed the hatch on the top climbed down and went around to get back in the truck for load number two. I was grossing out at 103,000 pounds. Yes I had a reducible load permit, I was a Heavy Hauler.
I was always tense as I maneuvered my rig off the mountain, overlooking the Big Lake. See there was a stop sign at the bottom, silly engineers, and I don’t SWIM!
The ride through New Hampshire was once again beautiful and then I entered the highway where my speed increased and I was hammer down to get the load of water to the plant before they ran out yes that is how fast they were filling one gallon jugs.
As I made it to the tolls on Route 95 South I went through with my easy pass soon I would be in Massachusetts. This is where things went bad real bad and in a hurry. I had just gone over the nasty metal bridge in Newburyport when I saw a tire, yes a huge semi tire ready to cut in front of me. I had never felt anything at the moment it came off but now I looked to my left in the mirror and saw a school bus I blew the air horn very loudly turned on my emergency flashes to get everyone’s attention praying for myself to not hit this large tire and lose control of my rig and it’s load on board. I already had my foot off the accelerator trying to let it slow down so I could start dropping gears and make my way to the breakdown lane. Holding tightly to the wheel not knowing how this would play out I held my breath for what seemed like forever. This tire crossed in front of me and the bus and then headed for the median strip never loosing speed or falling over to stop the nightmare and then popped up beside a Black Saab, yes it has been 13 years plus and I remember vividly. The car thankfully was being driven by someone not texting or talking on their phone and they yanked the wheel to miss my tire it then went off the highway. totally.
Now as this was happening another tire came up beside me as I was trying to move over one lane at a time scared to death wondering if I could hold onto her as this had never happened to me not even in a car. This tire ran straight up beside me and then off to the right and over the embankment. You see I had 22 wheels on my rig and except for the two steering axle tires the rest of them were paired up.
I made it over to the breakdown lane and was happy my boyfriend was in the passenger seat for this trip not that he could do anything to stop the nightmare but I was shaking when I stopped and as he hugged me he said “I swear I do not know how you stay THAT COOL as you are at highway speeds and loose two tires and could have killed someone.” Who was COOL?
Now out of the truck and not wanting her to be destroyed by the weight and airbags and springs taking a beating I had him crank the landing gears on the tanker down and we unhooked the airlines and electrical plug and I pulled ahead. I then got out of the truck and I was so angry you see I had spent over $1,000.00 for two tires and new rims and all new wheel studs that weekend, I called my tire man from the side of the road and I can not say here what I said to him but I had him send a tow truck at HIS EXPENSE to come get me. I called the plant up in the mountains to send another driver for my tanker of water.
I then climbed back in the truck and then and only then did I EXHALE.
Life on the road is tough on drivers of rigs for they get no respect from other drivers but that day I earned their respect, for had I been a yahoo with no common sense they would not be here and you never would have lived a few moments in the rig with me. Yes I am a female trucker but a damn good one! Do you know the whole time this took place and then the wait that ensued I never saw one State Trooper you see they know me and I am responsible and courteous though at times going over the speed limit back in my trucking days, which is why I always put money back into my business equipment, my RIG, as I asked a lot of her. Now for the rest of the story some day I will finish it and title it THE TIRE MAN, as it is a good one!
A woman was just killed by a tire coming off a rig here in NH and I re-lived this event all over again bet you everyone on the road with me that day just over 13 years ago did too.
PAY ATTENTION not all things are within our power to PREVENT as I sadly learned.
Keep On Trucking!
While reading your blogs I realized how much I missed mine. Each day I want to write and share but usually nothing comes. Since April it has been very hard. Seems before it was easy to express myself and now being cleared of all the CLUTTER within me leaves me wondering if I really have much to say.
I am so happy poor but very, very happy. I am at peace and seems I had posts so full of sadness and despair oh yes Joy as well if you looked deeper within it was there but really I was just not whole.
I still see things others will never get and it is OK maybe they are not meant to.
Ok on with today’s RARE BLOG really from me NOT A RE-BLOG he he READY?
So I have not seen much of my Mom since my return from retreat and she has not ben well so I made it a point when I got my check this month to take the $30 in gas right out and go spend sometime with her after I was done with Shoulder PT appointment. Ron and JT came with me as even she is feeling more like herself never will something from China be consumed in my home by ANY OF US!
So I get to Mom’s and she is doubled over unable to stand up straight I tell her to use the cane more to hold herself up though her hands are bad and I understand why she doesn’t. She has had RA for 40 years or better been crippled then better now her spine is worsening as she has lost so much of her height. She now has 2 cracked or broken vertebrae she will never tell me as too many years I was broken so she tries to toughen it out. She actually said she was ready to go. What the hell does that mean? Ready to go she is healthy as an ox except for the pain and she refuses anything but Tylenol and we all know the dangers of that drug.
So I had gone down with the full intent to scrub floors, clean refrigerator, scrub the stove things you ought to stand to do and need to do for more than a minute. I went around the property of this home I grew up in and admired all the flowers she grew. She had some beauties. I went out to the front yard and saw a section of the garden beds I had done so much work on my whole adult life now looking so pitiful. I asked what she wanted to do about it as she insists she loves her home and doesn’t want to sell and move in with one of us or her own apartment with little she would have to do but care for herself. She says “I can’t do it anymore”. I have known this for a long time hell I can not do what I used to and I am 20 years younger. So I get her garden cart, shovel, rake and a bucket with soil and proceed to dig every last Iris and Lily mixed in with weeds and grass out of the front bed. I took each one and trimmed back the green growth and cleaned the roots and set them aside. I worked for 2 hours on them alone I did that sitting on the same front stairs as I had when I was a little girl all the while watching Mom insisting on sitting outside with me and JT she sat in a plastic lawn chair. Same kind I did my retreat in not that comfortable.
After I had them done I moved on to trim a bush them I really trimmed it pretty much till it was just above the soil as there was so much dead branches soon she would lose them anyway. As I worked on my feet she tried to play a little with JT. It was warm so the dog did not mind resting a lot.
I got to this beautiful bush and knew if it was up to me to add a fresh coat of paint to the front of this house I could not have shrubbery against it so again I began a hard prune taking out many dead branches. Well This is usually covered in bees and yes it was a beauty but so out of control. I came across something that saddened me. Seems our world is so full of filth and debris and so many slobs our little birds have learned to cope the best they can. See?
So much plastic trash was a part of this poor Mother Bird’s nest
I swear it looked as if it were a home in the projects it made me very sad.
Now wait till you see what her front yard looks like now.
We had not seen that last window for years she will have to pull the blinds down now till she decides if she wants to let it grow back or if we can make this place pretty with something easy to care for. I am not getting any younger either and with injuries even worse. Ron is in no better health he has lost so much weight and muscle and he is diabetic to boot.
All was not worrisome at Mom’s some of the day was delightful which is how I will end this post UPBEAT! :)
Mom painted this rock years ago and we thought the bees thought her artwork was real but then a guy I went to school with thought maybe they were just wanting to grab hold so they could get a drink. I told her to place a shallow dish with rock in it so birds could have their baths again :)
Remember she loves flowers like me so here are a few I took after I did all the work so they are not that good but still pretty
Thanks for coming to Mom’s with me.
She would love all of you. Each one is so very special to me XO
I spent years really living on the edge but a very slippery edge, indeed.
I was a trucker who worked and worked, never getting enough rest. I was young and fearless.
After a divorce and a bad wreck( no not of my doing, lol )thankfully, life for me was so very different.
I lost my balance. I fell. I fell into deep sadness. Yes I mucked about pretending all was well but clearly everyone could see how I had changed. I lost ME.
Well things are back on an even keel.
I have a blessed life.
I see that now.
I blog with people all over the world who have had such deep sadness in their lives. I also have some followers so full of joy, it is contagious.
You see I had stopped caring. I stopped LIVING.
When I found WordPress I was in search of who I was.
I had to pick a name for my new blog and it came easy, Living and Lovin, as that is really all I searched for.
I am here to tell you that I found it and then some.
I eat right now and actually exercise in the amounts I need. Balance it is a good thing.
I wake daily and with coffee see what blogging buddies are up too.
I eat breakfast and do the housework. For years I really had stopped caring.
I now work in my garden.
Play with the dog.
Have conversations with the love of my life.
I thought I had it all till sadly it was gone. My edge may have been different from yours but clearly living on the edge is hard for anyone eventually. It will catch up to you.
It has been a long winding road but finally no longer do I stand on a slippery slope of sadness and despair. No longer a part of the rat race of life. I have taken back who I really am. I wake each day thankful for all I have. I do stop to smell the ROSES, well all the flowers. How could I have gotten so far out of whack? Are others as well and still not knowing it?
For me it is about BALANCE.
Doing what needs to be done and making time for play.
I play usually with a camera in tow so now they can all see the change. Pretty dramatic even when I look back.
My wish for all of you is to find your balance. With work, love, life and play. When you are out of whack that is truly living on the edge.
Been sad and hurt for too long.
Was told by a child I had placed for adoption, to go away, as he had done to find peace and love within again.
I had never meditated before and yes I was worried but I also knew deep inside something had to change.
It was time for me to finally be whole. So I booked by 10 day stay and in the following months while I waited for my day to
come to take the first step, there were so many days I thought I would cancel but I did not.
I went away from home for the first time all alone.
I took an oath of silence.
I learned how to meditate.
I learned that I was really strong not broken as I had thought.
Over those ten days away I meditated in silence, for 100 hours. Yes it was hard. Was it worth it, hell yes. A million times YES.
This trip into the unknown world of Meditation was scary but amazing as well.
I will never be lost again.
I will go within and see all is well.
Life can be so very hard and so many could use this outlet to find peace and happiness.
My son and I agree after having both learned to go within, that so many could benefit from learning how to meditate
starting with small children. When I went to school in 1963 there was a time each day we laid our heads on our desk to take
a rest from the stress of learning, had we been taught the simple act of Meditation in the first grade maybe just maybe
we would could have had a world full of PEACE or a lot less pain.
I do have a few books in the works.
They are scribbled on papers, tucked away for another day.
Some seem important to share, others I see no need for them anymore but others may.
I am surrounded by incredible writers/bloggers on my follower list, here on WordPress but if I could have anyone and I mean anyone to write what I want said, I would choose a local man. You all know his work. He is just the most amazing writer of horror here in the Northeast, yes I am picking Stephen King to write my story. Yes it had lots of dark points but I think he needs a happy ending too.
It was 1976 and I was given money for an abortion. I chose adoption.
Had I kept my child how my life would have been so much better but clearly so different.
Had I kept him with me as I had really wanted, I would have smiled every day.
I never would have shed tears for 32 years. I never would have married the evil man I did. I never would live where I do now. I never would have learned all the things in life I needed to learn, about people and how they really are.
It would have been hard yes. I would have been an awesome Mommy to him. See I was not that strong back then I had no idea that giving him to a family who would adore him showed really how strong I was. I just never thought I could do it on my own and give him everything a child deserved.
So had I taken that road I would have done great. I never would have known you all and be able to share him all with you. Thirty two years after kissing him goodbye I was saying hello to him and starting a different journey, in fact down yet another road. Who knows where this one will take us but he is just like me so I think it will be FUN.
I love this potion!
Now I can rest, no longer having to race around to see and do it all.
I am tired from trying to take it all in.
What a beautiful life I can now have, sitting back and enjoying all of what life has to offer.
No more wondering how many days I will have left to smile and capture that perfect moment with my camera.
My only wish is that there would be enough to share with those I love, so they could sit beside me forever and soak in all this beauty that surrounds us if only we open our eyes to see.
I really thought when I joined just two years back this gardening thing around our little town would be so easy. You all see I know how to grow some real beauties so what’s the problem?
Well wanting something really badly, sadly will not make it happen. It takes members. Men woman and children if need be! You need a town who actually cares how they present themselves to the world. Sadly we were on a very slippery slope on that part. Four sickening murders in just the time I have been here, 27 years. All hitting the papers here and abroad.
This dream of mine to join was long overdue. I wanted our small little town to care for one another. Be a community. Like the one I grew up in. Sadly day in and day out I see the world around me not as it used to be. Have people changed that much? Do they no longer want what is best for their children. Are they so busy working to see there are more important things in life than 3 cars, a boat, 4 wheelers, motorcycles? Toys all toys with no substance. No family dinners as both parents work outside their home to pay for all the trips to the mall, no one sews clothes for their children anymore and if they do they are looked down upon and bullied.
So who was I to dream so big for my little town? Well Eunice of course and you know what a wise woman told me if I wanted to do something do it myself for I was the only one I could count on boy was she right in the beginning I placed my cell phone number up on a billboard in front of our town haul and waited for the phone to ring off the hook! I had the town place an Ad on TV(towns private station)looking for members again adding my private number. There were just three of us. President of club walked out in a huff her best friend stayed as did I and the treasurer. Now of us three I am the only one home and was nominated to be the secretary oh joy I wanted to get my hands dirty not make phone calls!
Another lady who works nights joined and made it a point to come to our once a month meetings on a Monday night the others came as well. We made plans for plant sales, yard sales too! You need money to make a town such as ours pretty and not ugly as was portrayed over and over in the news, in books and around the world in the papers.
Well We still have those who stayed in club from a year ago and just recently welcomed another woman. She is a stay at home Mom and we love that she is young, loves to garden and can do more than us older crippled members.
I ordered business cards and gave each of us 50 to start with. Pass them around to local businesses they do business with. I went knocking on doors as I am home all day. I had a few positive meetings for things we can do down the road.
I received a wonderful email from our AD on TV who asked if he could donate some plants for our upcoming plant sales. I told him we would love to accept his gracious gift and made plans for another member to help me. The first load Ron and JT came with me as this was a stranger and wanted to make sure everything was on the level him not me I am too trusting. We went and filled the whole bed of the pickup truck and there were many we could not get that trip. I had one of the full-time workers go with me and filled the truck again! Now we were a real garden club! At the next meeting we set a plan in motion. We would all meet on a Sunday morning at 8 AM and tear out a whole intersection with our hand tools what were we thinking!
We showed up with rakes, shovels trash bags and water. Plants too, a whole pickup truck load, poor Ron no one else has a truck and you know me I am on a mission!
We pulled out the plants we could save and then we tore out grass, and bagged it to compost. It was now noon and time to take a break three of us said we would meet back there at 6 PM to start placing the plants back into the rotten soil after we added some sphagnum to lighten it up with. A friend of mine from town stopped to ask when I had gotten such a green thumb he knew me as only a female who owned and drover her own rig. He had his own excavating company. He asked if I needed anything and I said “Are you sure?” yes he was sure so I asked for some nice rich organic soil. Dream big I say! He came back with his own dump truck and dropped us off a nice pile of loam. We wanted a raised bed to keep plants protected from drivers and plows wait you know about the snow we get.
So here is when I will share with you a project done by first 4 then three woman from 8 AM till 8 PM with a few hour break in between for a cold drink and something to eat.
Hope you can see how it evolved into what it is now.
We had moved the pretty Urn here but sadly it was doing nothing for this corner downtown. Before the grass came up it looked pretty for a few days.
When the two ladies met back at 6 PM they were happy to see Paul’s gift of rich soil.
We raked it down and shaped it. Two of them lifted this heavy Urn up into the middle of the planting then we laid fabric down to keep weds in check.
We unloaded the truck and placed plants in a design the best we could and set about knocking them from their pots and cutting holes in the fabric where they would go into the new soil. This is back-breaking work when you have a wrecked back to start with!
Two of us stayed till dark as you can see the lights across the way have come on.
We were tired both of us in our mid 50′s. She with a desk job me with no job.
I came by the next day to check on our work
We needed to mulch this area to complete the look, hold down the weeds and fabric as well. Thankfully as we wrapped up the night before the rains began to fall gently upon our new planting.
JT and I took 3 half pick up truck loads of mulch I had saved in my yard all winter and added it to this space. The parade would be days away and I wanted it to be complete for Memorial Day.
Now some of you have seen these photos before others have not
Now I will show you some shots of what we have been up to all this summer no wonder I hurt so bad!
I went to a business the next town over who makes bark mulch, I used to love hauling mulch with my rig to all the local garden centers I miss my truck. Well back to the story I asked if we could get the wholesale price as we were a tiny garden club next town over and really needed to find the best deal. She says to me IS FREE GOOD? You already know by this post Thank You! Only deal was they gave me a sign to promote their business well I was all alone to I said yes the deal was made and each and every corner will look the same and only cost Ron gas money to truck it back and forth!
One of the members bought two 40 in long cedar window boxes we filled and put on our granite bridge downtown so our color draws you through town.
Ok the last photo in my story is of a corner Lowe’s gifted us plants for last year but needed to fit in with the rest of what we had recently done so Ron dropped of 21 bags I think he said it was and I spread it to finish off the intersection closest to my home.
It really makes a difference
So yes a group of driven residents can make a difference little by little one corner at a time our little town is feeling more loved.
So what do you think is it worth our effort?
I hope with each planting we do there will be another member joining our team and another business climbing on board with us as you know I am not afraid to ask help from one out-of-town!
Thanks for reading this very long post had I known I would have done it in many segments
Peace and Love to ALL of YOU
The Daily Post Prompt Fight or Flight!
Looking back at my adult years for some reason I always rush in.
I never stop and take the time to see if there will be any danger in doing so.
Maybe it started in my home as a child and Dad pulling over to help stranded motorists or maybe all the years I was a Girl Scout.
I have met some wonderful people by stopping and asking “Can I help you?”
Some I didn’t have to ask because if I had not done something they would have died. I could do with out worry and drama but it is who I am, I recuse animals or people and yes there have been times I wish I had put more thought into it.
It rained and rained I mean it really rained. We went weeks without one drop of rain and in one week we more than made up for it. I had a river here, you all know the one I am talking about, it had maybe two to three feet in it, after the snow melt then no precipitation. I was not complaining but the fire marshals were. I have used that time wisely getting more of the home painted and yard ready to sit back and enjoy this summer.
Mowed for the 2nd time. It smells so heavenly here after it is mowed, not sure of all the different kinds of grasses that are in the lower yard. There are all kinds of Violets, white and purple, Buttercups(do not know the real names)clover lots of clover and grasses are all mixed in, down here along the river. There is always frogs and snakes Chilin here as well as snapping turtles and sun turtles. I heard our Raccoon chattering along the stream as well. I had not one but two Red Tailed Hawks here yesterday afternoon, which meant most of my backyard birds spent some time hiding. I wonder if they were in their flight drying their beautiful feathers and enjoying the gorgeous day as were the three of us. We did not do a BBQ’s and saw no one it was such a very nice day in the yard after all the rain. I did a weeks worth of Laundry and hung them all on the line to dry in the sun and breeze they were done in no time and folded and put away.
Looks different from all the snowy ones you have seen. Spring and fall are my favorite times to be here in New Hampshire.
Soon I will have roses in full bloom all over this yard, with smells that are just as pretty as the Lilacs, which have been gorgeous but are now fading.
It has been so nice to get back in touch with you and more and more will be added as I find you trust me I am looking !
Have a beautiful week in your yards.
Cecilia over at thekitchensgarden put up a challenge which goes like this:
What I see from my back porch.
So before the rain started again I grabbed the camera to get you a few views of what is out there.
I see lots of gorgeous greens right out back and getting green with each rainy day we have. We did not have rain for weeks.
We have yet to put the roof on as we could still get feet of snow and 60 mph winds.
The garden is behind this seating area and not too far from the door and the kitchen inside. I only have corn, squash, Cosmos, Sugar Snap peas in at the moment and those went in a week too soon our last frost is this long weekend.
After having 70+ wild turkey and now just this one hangs out and looks in the window for me to scatter some Black oil Sunflower Seeds and some cracked corn in exchange it promises to eat all the nasty ticks it can find before they get us and the pets. We have Lyme Disease really bad here in New England. Sad to see just one lone bird but it will be safe here with us.
I have been taking care not to let these get cold at night but come Monday they will be added to hanging pots or large containers so they can grow into real beauties!
Tons of Lilacs all over the yard it smells wonderful too.
Off it goes to roost for the night only to return in the AM and come to the door and look for me and the dog and cat.
Now that Memorial Day Weekend is almost upon us we can really go to town getting the garden going, pots planted, and yard set up for warm summer nights by the fire.
Stay safe everyone
Happy Memorial Day
Here it is Saturday in the US and I was up at 3 AM seems normal for me of late and I find I stay up all day till crashing about 10 PM boy those were my hours most days as a trucker lol maybe I am just getting ready no not for this girl though with the lottery tonight and a jackpot of over 500 million I could buy a new rig and take trips when I wanted too! I have one ticket out of the millions sold so not a chance of it being me. I just hope a prize such as this goes to those who really could do some good with it. Ron says I would have family and friends coming out of the woodwork looking for handouts I remind him that if they didn’t enjoy me when I was poor they would hate me when I was RICH!
Well so much of my home is now painted still not done but well on its way and then it is time to add some color, the same, to the barn! Now lottery money would go to things like new barn shingles on the roof and a team to paint barn in one day not a year like I do it in. I would have a new lawn tractor with implements to remove snow, till the land and get rid of brush. A new chainsaw oh wait I would hire a man for that!
I have yet to place one plant into my space for an English Garden just been moving Ruggosa Roses to different areas of the yard as a living fence, Lilac shoots added onto berm area Forsythia too. I want to dig up my Wisteria for the third time hoping it will be the charm to get it to thrive and bloom once again. The lawn is now coming in as are the wildflowers and last night he started mower for me and I did the upper yard and moved down by the river and the chain came off so there the mower sits in the lower yard now you know why I need a real TRACTOR.
Here are my beautiful but very tall Lilacs. When they are all done blooming and they have gone by out will come the small chainsaw and I will cut them back to maybe 5 feet tall.
They are huge. Reaching so far up I can no longer get many flowers for the home.
We trimmed that Pear tree too. Yes it was full of blooms I showed you the Northern Flicker sitting in it on my other blog Folsom Mill Studio, we took 10 foot tall branches from the top half off they say to never do that to a Pear tree but what good it is if I have no ladder long enough to pick the fruit before they ripen on the tree and smash to the ground for yellow jacket bees to swarm. I will make some yummy things this year with the fruit I will now be able to reach. The Pear tree actually looks like a weeping fruit tree but the soil here is so rich I am sure it will be a monster needing attention next year too.
Well for the good stuff now.
This was the BEST MOTHER’S DAY for me. Only 2 have been special the one the year Mike and I connected and this year as we reach a new level of understanding. He is hoping to be heading this way soon as he fishes up his painting jobs and Artwork he has going on. Yes Life Is Good!
So it is important for me to have it all done around this place should he come by to say hello I want it to be warm and inviting lol nesting 37 years later you got to LOVE IT!!
Missed most of you but with new reader working awesome I can once again get New Posts!
I know this is not FUNNY on so many levels but I have to tell you it not only made me take a Double Take
but sent me up the road to turn around to snap a few photos to share with you all.
Now these Guinea Hens do no LIVE here
They FLEW IN
They could not help themselves honest they couldn’t lol
They are so pretty aren’t they.
Wonder why they are not fed enough at home that they have to hunt the local neighborhood for food.
Can one be sued for a crop that NEVER comes UP?
Boy the man who worked hard to make his place pretty is not going to see the humor in this act!
see the tape clearly they didn’t
They didn’t see that money was laid out for a NEW LAWN either
How many ingredients in this future lawn had been added to the seed
I will let you know if they going missing.
I will have to watch this place like the hawk that is always above us doing hunting of his own as I will add clover seed throughout the property to sweeten the soil and add clover for all the local bees who hang out here before heading down the street to the local hives.
I did laugh then I worried about the birds then came home and saw a Bunny, Groundhog and birds lurking close to MY GARDEN not all my Peas came up so either they were duds or someone is hunting my SPACE too!
See you soon
Yes you can chuckle
I have had so many awards here on WordPress bestowed upon me and I feel so blessed to have each and everyone of you followers liking and leaving comments and finding each other through some of my posts. Bless you all
The Very inspiring Blogger Award rules are as follows:
- Display the award on your blog
- Link back to the person who nominated you
- State 7 things about yourself
- Nominate 15 bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nominations
To accept the award, the rules are: -Link back to the person who nominated you : Thank you again Cristi !! Also I would recommend to check out her awesome blog (http://traveltimetalk.com/)
-Post the award image to your page – Done
- Answer the questions. This is designed to help people get to know you better. – here they are
1. Favorite color:
2. Favorite animal:
3. Favorite number:
4. Favorite Non-Alcoholic drink:
5. Favorite Alcoholic drink
6. Favorite a Facebook or twitter:
7. My Passions:
8. Giving or receiving gifts:
10. Favorite TV Show
-Nominate 10 other blogs and let them know they are nominated : Although I would love to mention a lot more may be few hundred but as per the rules here are some of the blogs that are very interesting and lovely to read.
Best Moment Award
Awarding the people who live in the moment, The noble who write and capture the best in life, The bold who reminded us what really mattered – savoring the experience of quality time. (Please check out MomentMatters.com).
RULES: Winners re-post this completely with their acceptance speech. This could be written or video recorded. Winners have the privilege of awarding the next awardee’s! The re-post should include a NEW set of people/blogs worthy of the award; and winners notify them the great news.
- What makes a good acceptance speech?
- Gratitude. Thank the people who helped you along the way
- Humor. Keep us entertained and smiling
- Inspiration. Make your story touch our lives
- Get an idea from the great acceptance speeches, compiled in MomentMatters.com/Speech
- Display the award’s badge on your blog/website, downloadable in MomentMatters.com/Award
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment. ~Buddha
I wish to express my sincerest thanks to Moment Matters in selecting my blog for this prestigious honour. It is my privilege to receive this wonderful recognition of my work, an award which I am very honoured to accept and will proudly display on my blog. I am very grateful to my friends on WordPress from whom I have found inspiration and encouragement when life has thrown some “slings and arrows” my way – they have given me much-needed strength – Thank You My Friends!
This award is so important as it reminds one to appreciate when a special moment presents itself, to savour it, not to let it pass without fully embracing it – life’s too short, isn’t it? I know that in the past I’ve been guilty of letting a special moment go unrecognised because I was so preoccupied with the problems life can throw at one. This sincere recognition of one’s work and the reminder to embrace that which is magical in life helps one to see the other side, to find love and beauty in something worthwhile and wholesome, to have belief in oneself and to pass this belief on to others so they may also have an added chance to see what life’s golden treasures are.
A special moment may be a random occurrence, it may be an exciting event long-awaited with many people becoming an important part of the experience. For me personally, I regard the best moments to be the ones shared with other people! Live in the Moment and remember -
“Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics”
It is my pleasure and great honor to present this award to my super friends who live in the Moment, congratulations to you all!
I want to thank you all for nominating me for so many many beautiful awards I really appreciate them but mostly you.
I know I have been blogging less but trying to sell prints, cards, IPod skins is hard work and if I was not so poor I would just give up lol
I am doing awesome honest I am that 100 hours of Mediation really was just what my heart needed.
I am busy with gardens, painting the rest of this house, taking rides with my honey and pup and she will turn 7 on Mother’s Day where has the time gone!
I want you all to know these awards are being passed out to all of you I can not follow rules lol so if there is one you do not have already follow the direction not like I did and enjoy the limelight!
Life is so beautiful for me these days I do not want to bore you so I will look to post some blogs on the adventures of my past liking trucking, motorcycles, travel and pets and try to find a place here again amongst all you wonderful writers and poets and photographers and storytellers too!
Thanks for stopping by and saying hi or leaving me a LIKE my reader #@%&s so I miss so much learning to dump COOKIES lol
Have a wonderful day!
Well spring has arrived here in NH and that means added joy and hope for better days ahead, not just for me but for all living things who need this planet to survive themselves. I hope the weather in your spot here on earth is not under water. I want my old planet back when you could count on normal weather but sadly we have done so many things wrong and usually it is not the super wealthy who get hurt the most. Not fair that I can say.
So I wanted to let you know I am so happy, no not just because of the flowers starting to bloom or the heat being turned of for most of the day but REALLY HAPPY, filled with joy from letting go of STUFF, physically and mentally purging is good for one’s soul, house too! Have you started spring cleaning yet?
My son and I are back to being able to speak to one another and for that all the pain I went through for 10 days was worth it. LOL He is happy and putting tons of ART out there and having fun isn’t that what we all want for our children.
I have been getting more of my prints out there for sale and soon will step back into my studio to melt some glass and see what this new joy will look like in beads and fused objects. I will do some more Zentangle as well but all of that will wait till gardens are in and house is painted 1/2 a house painted has to end!
Beading with tiny seed beads has taken a backseat for now I just have actually been to busy and too happy to sit still and ouch the body feels it! I may do a piece for special people or myself but not for sale anymore as they want them for free see you can teach an old dog new tricks!
So let me add a photo for you all let me know if you LIKE IT lol
Blossom/leaf from Pear tree
Have a great day!
Well here in New Hampshire some at higher elevations got a few inches of snow we had temps. in the 20′s F.
I came home sick from the 10 days of meditation then got better and poked around the yard with JT. I sent him out detecting as he had her for 12 days. They went on walks and hikes which was so nice for them but he missed his treasure. So JT would grab a Frisbee or a stick depending upon her mood and me my camera, rake and shovel. It was spring and things had to be done before the Black Flies arrived. So I took a stool into the garden and set about digging out more rocks that had surfaced from the fall tilling he had done for me and threw something for the dog to chase. She will be seven on Mother’s Day do Border Collies ever slow down?
Now I took the larger stones out and the peas are in now to add some peat moss and compost and move that into the soil then I will lay a tarp over whole garden bed to kill all weed seeds but not the Peas!
I have some time to get crops in as we can have frost up until May 30. Yes a short season compared to the south. I decided I will grow tomatoes in Pots and 5 gal. buckets with the mix I whip up. I will grow peppers, herbs, lettuce the same way. In the garden I will grow sweet corn, squash, potatoes, garlic, onion, kale, spinach and lots of Zinnias, Sunflowers and Cosmos.
I have yet to dig up my Ruggosa Roses(Beach Plum) and move them I also have Forsythia just starting to bloom so when they are done I will move some to the berm area. I am trying to get my plants picked out for Cottage Garden area and today I went to a yard sale with boyfriend and JT and bought two trellises from a man who came down from Maine to Massachusetts and had almost sold out by the time I chose mine. They are made from cedar but I want to coat with sealer so they will give me many years of use.
I tried to pressure wash front of home but could not start my machine shoulder killing me from FRISBEE lol He will get her started so I can spray with bleach mixture and get the green to wash off the paint on east side of home under the pines. Must take one tree down but with willow having to come down I hate to lose another tree so I will hold off but not too long as a new roof I can not afford it is just 3 years old now. I have cedar shingles I need to replace so I watched a You Tube video on how it is done now to look for that tool they used.
I have ben pulling dirt away from exposed wood were it rots it away and will add plants far from foundation so it doesn’t happen again.
Well this week I will be busy getting plants ready for our Garden Club yard and plant sale first Sat. in May but it will be over by noon so I can run to local racetrack to get my pick for the Kentucky Derby in and get home for watching the Fastest 2 Minutes in Sports! We will offer lilies, annuals and perennials. Can’t wait to see how much we make as we already added some color to our town but want to have plants done by us in downtown along the bridge and at major intersection as you come through town. We only have 5 older woman in our group so we do the best we can.
Here are a few photos of what I have been up to lately. I will go through the reader and try to catch up with you all though most of you never seem to show up on it even though I am one of your followers.
Lilac(above in bud)
Ruggosa Rose Bushes (above in bud)
The grass is green
I went through over 400 pounds of bird seed this winter yes it was a bad winter.
Looking forward to getting all the yard and home done by Memorial Day so I can sit back and reap all I get back in return for the 6 months that will follow. I will make more jewelry and take different kinds of photos I will even use the tripod more.
So nice to sit and share life with you once again. Can’t wait to see what you all have been up too!
Here is one of the more recent birds to visit here in flocks along with the small cow birds or black with orange and yellow stripes on their wings. Boy they love the seed but they come and Cardinals leave and I miss them though they call to me each morning from where they have been busy building their nests.
Oh I placed my half full hummingbird feeders out last night just incase they arrive early and the Apple Tree has yet to open.
Can’t wait till they come back home.
Have a great week everyone!
I am almost over the cold I caught while being away and the snow is gone and the rains have started so I put a coat on and finally the Peas Are In. I can not wait till they are small and tender ones like above to use in my salads and stir-fry’s. Do you like fresh peas? I love Pea Soup as did my Dad and love them right off the plant. I walked around with JT and checked out the plants I will offer on our Plant sale, for the Garden Club May 4. I have some new Lilac shoots Forsythia too. I have some Beach Plum type Rugosa Roses popping up I could divide as well. I have some perennials left in pots from last year a man in town donated from his yard for our fundraising efforts. I called a few garden centers and will be picking up some annuals and perennials to round out our selection. I really hope our town comes out and supports the 5 of us woman trying to make a difference in our towns appearance. Please remember to support your locals be it a Garden Club or a local farmer and his farm stand.
So with the snow gone hopefully till this winter(I know it is New England and so many storms have laid over my Lilacs in full bloom)I will set about getting the yard ready for another EPIC Spring, Summer and Fall. New focus and intentions fill my thoughts this year more than others. My honey has gone and accused me of being a HOMEBODY lol like that’s a BAD THING! I worked all those years on the road and missed my home and he worked his whole life at a 15 hour a day job and came home drank beers and lived his life with his family, now he wants FUN Filled days and NO BEER lol boy we have grown older. I love travel don’t get me wrong but with so much I want done around here I will do it even if I am by myself a lot I am OK with that. I asked him to get the snow blower in the barn for the season and to take out the rider and get it ready for the lawn. Sharpen blades, change oil and spark plug so she will get me through another season. He likes mowing so if I am not too picky about when I want it done he will gladly do it but it is not a real lawn you know the kind with lots of chemicals thrown on top but if it is green and grows 3 to 4 inches tall and hold the soil and keeps the dust down I am happy. I only cut the lawn when rain is on its way look so pretty after and healthier.
While meditating I come up with some awesome thoughts. Some random out of left field others I can use. You all saw I started the house painting and I want to finish it this year but I had a thought I know scary if you know me I have a lot of ruined shingles where wet soil over 30 years up against the front of the house shingles so now I want to take those off and replace with new Cedar shingles only seal them after they age some like the ones along the coast here in New England. So as I look at the front of the house to the left of the entrance way it will be dark Oxford brown as in the back but from area around the front door to the outer right edge where so man are nasty I thought about making it pop with light new shingles. Just my mind going crazy with thoughts of warmer weather to come and getting this place so she is good for another 15 years and doesn’t disintegrate. I will show you as I tackle this he will do the hanging of the new ones for me and LESS PAINTING there actually is a method to my madness. I also thought of painting the front and adding garden graphics on it who will see it besides you and me I live in the woods.
I have soil to get, mulch too, as I will remove my plants from the area of my berm and get them into an English Cottage type configuration away from grass and weeds with lots of sun, can you imagine the shots I can get of flowers and insects then. I will plant some Forsythia, Roses and Lilacs and small Evergreens on the berm and it will act as a living fence along the edge of roadway and the property line, between the two gates. I am excited I can not wait I just pray this body will hold up since all work will be done with my hands but with weight off and heart that is so happy now, I want to show this place some love after all the years I suffered quietly in pain living here with the ex. Time to LIVE and BE HAPPY!
Can’t wait to read what your places look like and what your plans this year hold you know I will have lots of posts doing more or less Show and Tell I garden with abandon not to show up in Better Homes and Gardens
Peace & Love
I give out all the love my dogs have given me over the years they were the best!
Originally posted on Dr Bill Wooten:
“A person can learn a lot from a dog, even a loopy one like ours. Marley taught me about living each day with unbridled exuberance and joy, about seizing the moment and following your heart. He taught me to appreciate the simple things-a walk in the woods, a fresh snowfall, a nap in a shaft of winter sunlight. And as he grew old and achy, he taught me about optimism in the face of adversity. Mostly, he taught me about friendship and selflessness and, above all else, unwavering loyalty.” ~ John Grogan, Marley and Me: Life and Love With the World’s Worst Dog
Trying to catch up on so much before I say good-bye.
Have clothes ready.
Trying to set up online store so prints can continue to sell without me.
Getting home ready to walk away is hard.
JT and I try to walk together three days a week a slow winters walk by the sea is always nice.
I will miss her so much her daddy and the cat too of course but they will not sit by the door and whine.
A friend offered to come walk her but Ron said he will do lots of things outside with her by his side.
I have left the cat before and him but they know I will be back. I have always had this little black
and white dog at my side funny how important they become in one’s heart. My son when he did this
10 day retreat had to leave his pup too, he said it was hard but he left her with friends and that JT was in good hands and
to go heal myself.
I will try to catch up on all the blogs I follow between now and the end of the month.
I hope you are all healthy and strong and waiting on Spring to arrive like me.
Miss you all
Well today is the day before my son’s birthday. So many years ago I was contemplating my motives and listening to my heart. Not knowing the next day would be labor and he would come into the world. That he was healthy was all that mattered to me. I took good care of myself while pregnant. Lots of woman had children, I would be OK. Never knew how sadness could destroy a soul, hell I was young, so very young. This is a photo of me 2 years before. My High School Year Book photo with wet hair and clothes as it poured when me and Mom were walking in Lowell, a rain cloud opened up no big deal I didn’t want a photo or to be in the book.
Grandma had given me the pretty silver spoon. It was a pin meant to be worn and I adored her, so I did. Who knew in the 80′s things such as this were used for drugs. In fact since I was never into drugs, cocaine never entered my thoughts as I gave my copy of this photo to Mike. He saw the spoon and guess it took on a different meaning never knowing who I was or for that matter who I really am now. Do not know how he was raised but they were older than me so maybe they were wild in the 60′s I still pray they were not.
So this is a story on us the we that never was to be. I do not know anything really about Mike except he grew up not to far from me. He could have been a wild child. I was so young I never thought they would tell him he was not theirs. Why would they he was 3 days old. Then for him to turn 18 and get angry I was not at the door asking for him. See heartache was not mine and mine alone. I know I would never take the life of a child through abortion unless it could not live but I am here to say that must be a hard decision to make, same as the one I did. I wanted him to have two loving parents and I trusted this older woman at the adoption agency to only allow good people to come through that door and fill out applications swearing they would be. I chose the couple from a book full of smiling faces who all said they wanted a baby of their own. Well I hand-picked his, if she told me the truth. I have grown a lot since then and know too much. I know one thing for certain they paid a lot to get a blonde haired blue-eyed, white male baby in 1977, that was healthy and weighed 8 lbs 9 oz. I doubt he ever went a day in his life without being given every opportunity possible for a young man. Life was good! I made that life he had possible. With God watching over me all these years I know I did right by him , they were not me but they had to love him. Then they had a child of their own, a daughter not sure how that came to be I really don’t care I am just glad he was not an only child, he had a little sister. Sure the dynamics of his life must have changed for him , he was only 2 or 3 but he had a family.
Now to the part where we meet by phone. I emailed the agency and asked if they knew if he was OK, I had just lost my Dad and had the need to know. She called right back when I hit send, asking me “Where have you been your son has been looking for you?” First thought was WHY? Come on he was 32 years old. They had my parents contact information all those years and never a word. Maybe the time was not right. Maybe he never cared to know who I was or who his birth family was. Remember he had EVERYTHING. So I take down the information she said he left for me and I hang up the phone. She gave me his and his parents information so I wrote to them. I asked if he was OK and if they were OK with him wanting me to call or write him. They never bothered to write to me so of course I had the story worked out in my head already, I knew all the answers. Funny how we can do that. Next thing I did was make the call to the numbers he left and just said “Hi it’s Eunice I got a message from agency to call you.” Pretty short and sweet Scared to death all he wanted to do was scream at me for giving him to them. When he did not call back that day yes I was expecting he would, he is the one who said if she shows up please have her contact me, so I sat and wrote a letter , really too long and gut wrenching with too much family information included for him as I now look back on it. I figured if he had changed his mind about wanting to speak to me at least he would know who I was and who his uncles and grandparents were. Medical stuff too. I have spent many days since then wishing I had never called the agency. No one needs to visit deep pain over and over it doesn’t do any good and for me it has been horrible. Had they just said he had a wonderful life and I should be so proud, it would have been so much better.
So finally Mike, that is what they named him, called me. He was happy from doing some wild things while on skis out on his mountain range. He said he had been scared to call me. WHY? This has been my question since learning about him from agency. Remember he is 32 always knew or from age 2 or 3 that he was adopted so why now at 32 was he still so worried about ME?
We talked for hours and hours and learned what anyone could through a phone. That was in March of 2008. Then in May that year for Mother’s Day he sent me a beautiful email with photos of him and his dog. Then a few more calls, then nothing. So he was all set but I wasn’t.
I finally was hurt enough to leave a message or email can’t really remember now saying when he grew up to come see me. Get the answers face to face. See who I really was.
He showed up that October days before Halloween and we spent the afternoon together at the beach him and I and the two dogs while Ron detected and gave me my space. We had a lunch together, seafood like this is not really the same out west.
I told him to go back to his family in Maine they would be worried sick about him, he didn’t want to leave but my heart was hurting and I just wanted to go home. We hugged each other goodbye. We have not spoken since. Emails yes but no calls. His parents went off the deep end when he got back to their summer home on the island. It destroyed him and his joy that day. So he shuts me off to not hurt them.
That following Feb. 19th a woman calls me asking how to get to my home she has a delivery for me I laughed and told her not me I didn’t order anything. She assured me I would welcome her. She arrived and she was the driver for a florist. She delivered a bouquet of long stem Red Roses in a tall Red glass vase with a beautiful card from Mike thanking me for having him. I sent an email thanking him.
Years passed by and still no calls . Only word from him was an occasional email. Maybe I am just not the make believe Mother he had made up in his head too bad as actually I am so much better than an imaginary one.
Then he joined Facebook and I could see his artwork that he did with spray paint. He is very talented. Hard on himself yes. All artists are deep and troubled aren’t they .
Here is something he sent me, made by him just two Christmases ago or was it three.
I love the artwork he shares where he lives, as well as opening up finally on his own Artist Facebook page. I know it is not easy for him to share.
He doesn’t understand when I say I want no more art for my home. I can’t take anymore pain from loss. I know I was a strong trucker for so many years but with wreck I had in 2000 and all that has taken place since I am just happy to be alive and know he is as well.
So tomorrow it is his birthday and I will not wish him a happy birthday as it is their day. He is theirs. So yes it has always been a horrible day for me to get through and usually I walk the local beach as I did so long ago, well 36 years ago. Happy Birthday to Mike. I do wish him the very best.
So now you know the story and why I will welcome the retreat he went to and wants the love for me. Hell I want the LOVE FOR ME it has been too long!
Sorry for such a heavy post but every action has a reaction doesn’t it.
Love you all.
Thanks for all the support you always show me.
Just stopping in to say Hello.
How do you all keep up with your fellow bloggers?
Do you use the Reader on Google? I have been 2 hours trying to catch up with many of you and sadly it has not gone well, more like pulling teeth, OUCH. Computer is so slow don’t know if it is the weather or just and old computer or if it is GOOGLE I just wish I could make it FAST! I miss you all. I did have a RSS feed that sat up on the top of my page but when changing search engines or something I lost that. So if you have the time to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or Eunice356@gmail.com I would love to hear from you. PLEASE.
Now I spoke of WEATHER yes seems that is all I have done lately sorry but it is winter in New England and not sunny South Beach.
Here is a look out of living room window looking south towards the river.
It is light and fluffy and my back is so happy for that.
Wildlife is too by the looks of the back yard.
JT and I will go fill the feeders and after 3 when they come for supper I will do my wild bird count.
I sold the van yesterday to a couple who wants to use it to go on trips like we used it for and now halfway to what I need to fix the transmission RIGHT THIS TIME hopefully. Then to take rusted parts off and add a wooden floor in the back and pretty wood rails she will not look like my Mopar when I bought her but it will still push this dang snow so all we will need to shovel is porch and brick area and the ROOF. I hope they will have many good times in the van life is short.
So if you can get back to me I would love to see more of you.
Peace and Love to you all.
It was 1999 and I was hauling the tanker you see in the photo above. It was used for hauling Spring Water from a New Hampshire Spring Water Company up in the lakes region.
Heading up the mountain roads to pick up the loads were hard enough on me but once loaded and top closed, I had to get down that long steep grade, now weighing in at 103,000 gross pounds. Yes I was a Heavy Hauler and my load MOVED. When filling, the idea was to get it chock full of water so movement would be cut down to a minimum.
In the summer months hauling spring water were such pretty days. Traveling from bottling plants back up on top of the mountain for more and back down again. Most days I did this trip three times. Long hours were hard on me and my rig.
I fought traffic through Massachusetts rush hours only to be caught in one just trying to get back home to New Hampshire but I made decent money, paid my bills and still had some fun.
Now all I just told you went on during winters as well and no, not so pretty. Maybe I should have had a camera with me but I was all business when behind the wheel but now that I look back, what a blast to capture what I saw out there on a daily basis. Stopped of course.
I changed my own oil in the rig as well as greased it, from end to end. I did all the repairs I knew how to do or that Dad could walk me through or even help me with when he was not busy driving himself.
This is the ugly part of a day, in the life of me and my truck.
I always kept great tires on my truck, it is what allowed me to run day in and day out with no blown tires and left sitting on the side of the road. Well it still would happen but not so often, more so when I was hauling rubbish in and out of landfills.
Well on this day I headed out with 4 new tires for my rear axle of my tractor. I gave my old tires to the place I always did business with and paid the man, even gave him a friendly” Thanks so much”, see you when the fronts come in Call Me!
I went up to the mountain to grab another load of spring water and kicked tires before heading down that nasty mountain road, never knowing it would be one of the scariest rides . I was loving the ride knowing my tires were new and actually very pretty, you see I even sand blasted the rims and had them powder coated. I was out on a major highway here in New Hampshire and stopped to pay my toll then shortly after I was in Newburyport Massachusetts on 95 south when I heard, then felt something funny, well not funny but you know what I mean. I clenched the big rigs wheel and held on tight about this time I see one of my new tires pass me! Then I knew I was in serious trouble my boyfriend yelled ” aren’t you going to stop?”. I swear to you I could not answer him, this had never happened before in over two million miles of driving one of these. I looked in my mirror to my left as the tire would surly head out in front of me and into the lane beside me. There was a full school bus and all I could do to warn anyone and make them pay attention was to lay on the air horn, which had everyone’s attention by the grace of God. This huge truck tire was moving! I had been in the right travel lane and bus in middle lane and we had lots of other company on the southbound side of I 95. The tire came across my lane into the school bus lane across the next one into the medium strip of the highway and popped up in front of a Saab, who was not expecting or paying attention to all of us headed south with our 4 way emergency flashes on. When he or she saw it coming straight at them they jerked the wheel and it just missed them and off the other side it went! I asked Dave to remember where as I needed to go and collect it. Then the tire which rides beside it, passed me and this one could have killed us and many others that day but once again by the grace of God and my luck, it did not get caught up under us, which could have had me loosing control and just horrible, unimaginable things taking place that day. This inside tire took the path up the breakdown lane and thankfully no one was parked there. It then left the highway and went down the embankment. Dave again took a mile marker number down as we would have to hunt it down. These tires were $400.00 each and the rims were expensive as well, never mind what I paid to have the man do the work of putting them on.
While wheels were leaving the truck and traffic veering around the first one and me holding on for dear life, I also had taken my foot off the accelerator and was coasting all the while, 103,000 lbs gross weight of tractor-trailer and load of spring water. I moved the truck into the breakdown lane, the nightmare over.
What I explained here in the telling of the story happened all within split seconds but seemed very much in Slow Motion. I was lucky that day, boyfriend too but mostly the many people who had just been out for a drive.
Now as I am pulled over, emergency flashes still on and I can’t move. It is over but somehow I know it isn’t. Boyfriend jumps out to check the truck out then I follow with cell phone in hand, how I hate phones but this day it helped me stay calm and out of trouble.
I could see my poor air bags and springs and shocks where extended beyond where they should be with all the weight on the other three sets of duel tires so I asked him to put down the landing gears while I called into the mountain to send another driver down to grab my loaded trailer and get it to the bottling plant before they ran out of water and had to shut down the line. I have always been like this, thinking of the other person though this meant I would not get paid for the load that was forty minutes from being delivered but sadly I had more import things to take care of.
I called the tire repairman and have him an earful. I called a wrecker and had him charged for it, though he assumed I would pay for it in the end. Once another driver arrived and hooked to my trailer I was sitting in the breakdown lane so I asked him the boyfriend who was a big help on days like this to get me a chain and some tools and went about taking off the leveler arm to get the axle where it needed to sit so I could chain it up and limp home, no the wrecker was not for me it was to go with Dave to pick up the two wayward tires and rims and bring them to our neighbors, the ones who had the fire I just told you about. I got the truck home and parked over there and then Dave and the tires arrived seems they had both gone down and over and landed in nasty puddles of road run off he and the tow truck driver and tires were filthy. I told the driver to bill the tire man for new boots too.
What a morning I had had on those new tires of mine.
What I wrote about here has happened to others I am sure in one degree or another but this one was my story of a beautiful sunny day till all the BOLTS SNAPPED do you know why? Seems he had over torqued them while using his air gun on them. I too have used air but always tightened them up by hand. He could have cost us and the others their life that day and you know he even had the audacity to BILL ME suffice to say I never paid him for second round of repairs. I told him to take me to court so I could tell the judge the story I have just written here.
Also I have to tell you from the moment this happened till the time I made a drink that night to try to unwind. I never saw one police officer. None pulled over to help me or ask if I was OK, you see they all knew me as a strong woman who did everything on her own. I guess that is the good part as I got no citations but boy I sure could have used some BLUE LIGHTS to protect us from possibly being hit, while we worked on the rig with traffic buzzing by at 70+MPH.
So keep your eyes open while driving or walking.
Please stay off your phones too.
PAY ATTENTION to where you are and what is going on around you.
You just never know and had I been gabbing on the phone like as if I was sitting in my living room I may not be here or that bus full of students.
We drove my mother to her doctor appointment last week. I used to go to the hospital many years ago to see a doctor who practiced there so I knew right where I was going or so I thought. Mom had been born on that property in the old wooden hospital over by Spot Pond.
Our day started early we woke at 5:00 and left NH at 6:00 to miss rush hour traffic. We had a wonderful ride on a very cold day. Mom could have driven there but being 77 she worried about the morning traffic as they had given her a 9:00AM appointment for her stress test, I knew she did not need the stress of that bumper to bumper traffic on top of her test.
We took our truck as it was already warm inside this day in New England saw temps. below zero and with gusty winds it felt even colder.
After I made sure mom was all checked in and was all set, I made my way back to the truck. I grabbed my gloves and grabbed JT and her leash, the camera too thinking if I walked fast and kicked a stick we could do the loop around the old hospital, you see the place we had all thought we were going was CLOSED, boarded up with construction equipment throughout the beautiful property. As we walked the old paved walkway close to the buildings it really was tolerable weather wise but when we came around the corner and the winds welcomed us I knew I had to turn around for not only me but JT. Last thing I need is frostbite on my nose!
Here are a few photos I took, last week of a beautiful but rather frigid New England day in Massachusetts.
A very cold New Hampshire afternoon with the river doing her best to stay open and flowing but sadly it was loosing its battle with old man winter.
Now yesterday as the furnace cranked out the heat to keep us warm it did nothing to stop our bathroom pipes from freezing, have I told you I HATE WINTER!
I boiled tea kettle after tea kettle of water and poured down the drains in sink and tub. Who ever designed this home was nuts putting the bathroom on an outside wall! Then again when this camp was built they used and outhouse. Yes that was my world yesterday, me doing all I could from inside and him outside in below 0 F, with and extension cord and a hairdryer warming a vent pipe. I tried to remind him that the hot water I had been doing all day was working and that my hair dryer was NOT FOR OUTSIDE USE, in SNOW! I swear he will make me get my first Gray hairs!
I know I added the photos to the post but others never showed up!
After I had my son there was no reason for me to stay in the hospital. He was healthy and beautiful and nurses, bless them, kept bringing him in only to say OOPS, sorry, do you want to hold him? I asked the doctor if I could get discharged, he understood and said it would be OK, good thing as I was going anyway. I had things to do.
It was mid February and there had been snow. Mom came to get me as I had stayed the last 2 months at home and my car was there. I was in a hurry to find an apartment. I needed to get out of the family home, no reason to cause them more pain seeing me each and every day in pain and tears.
I worked at the factory where I had been for three years. They had taken up a collection for me but I gave it all back except for some cash for new clothes. I also took a job at a local gas station and worked 8 hours at both jobs. I had to stay busy. One of the young guys who worked at the station with me was looking to move so we found an apartment with 2 bedrooms and he worked days at the station and me nights. I would come home at 11:30 PM and supper would be wrapped up in oven on warm. It was perfect. I left the station we worked at together and moved a half mile further down and worked for another station so I could do oil changes and brakes, more money.
For a year and a half I did some heavy drinking on Sunday nights, at a club out of town or at a friend’s house. Loud rock music, draft beer I thought would help me get over him being gone, it didn’t. Friends, mostly men and their girlfriends never said a word to me when I had come home without him. Not sure how they felt but they knew a part of me had changed and pretty much died.
So after working sixteen hours a day and going out on Sunday nights for ten-cent drafts I met a man. He was 10 years older and a trucker.
He was divorced with visitation for the little boy they shared. I am not saying that is why I dated him but in the end I am sure it is why, for a small, very small part for the reason I stayed over and over.
So just a year and half after kissing my baby goodbye I meet this man with a son. He often tried to get visitation but the two of them him and his ex always fought usually over a lousy thirty-five dollar a week support check and she was already married to a bank president. I saw this as crazy, what was right was right. Share as the courts ordered it. So I was the go between, driving down to pick him up this cute little four-year old boy. Him and I had a blast while he was with me till his father got out of work and picked him up. He had ben trying to buy a home, and get back on his feet it had been two years since they had divorced. She had five children from her first husband . I made assumptions I would later realize were wrong and it could have cost me my life in the end.
So I dated him on and off for three years. Off because there was a lot of abuse. I would walk out and move he would promise never again and I wanted to believe him, I wanted to be loved. Not liked, loved.
After three rough years with some good fun and some very horrible days he asked me to marry him. I said no. He begged me to give him a chance and that he would never hit or kick me again. I looked in his eyes and saw tears and thought he was being truthful. I said yes alter knowing him for more than 3 years but less than four. The night we went to get married he was in tears, not me.
I know I was younger by ten years and I worked with lots of men. I was going to driving school for big rigs too, so I could run a rig with him. He was drinking more and more, no I am not making an excuse just stating a fact. He was changing and I was newly married. I was not married three weeks when he beat me so bad I walked a local highway for twenty-five miles, hours walking and crying. I had a few truckers pull over to ask if I was OK and if I needed a ride. I was a young blonde girl , in tears and they may have been nice but I kept walking. No cell phones back then and when I got to an exit Mom is who I called. Poor Mom grand baby gone, daughter bloody and bruised, but who else could I call?
Mom brought me home to their home and I washed up. I had left our home and everything I owned behind. Mom asked what he did after he was done beating me and I told her he had left for the road. She drove me to a local Ford dealer who made me another key for my pick up I had left behind, he had the keys, and she took me up to get my things and truck. Dad changed my ignition and the man I used to babysit for had a steering wheel tool, The Club he gave me as he would be able to get the door open. I actually never thought I would see my husband again but sadly it was not the end of it.
I was out front of my parents home with my aunt and he came racing up to the house and before I knew what had happened he had my by my hair trying to drag me to his car. My Mom and Aunt screamed at him to leave me alone and to leave before the police were called. Why was no one on the phone already? He finally took off when he saw I was not going willingly.
Again I stayed back home found a new job this time driving a truck by myself. I was loving life. Yes married but no word from him.
I went out Friday night with friends after two weeks on the job and a pay check for two beers. We were listening to a great band when up walks my husband and again grabs me by the hair and proceeds to drag me through a club and out the door, no one stopping him. Once outside one of my friends pushed him and he fell, we were sober he was not. Police were called but so was he by then.
It was nine months later when he waits at the top of my parents roads and waits to see me pull in. He gets out and I yell for Mom to call the police. This is crazy, she cares what the neighbors think. Me I just want to live.
He comes up and says he is sorry, as I walk backwards he begged me to listen. He said he was so sorry. He also proceeds to tell me he has not touched a drop of alcohol since the last time he saw me to which I jump in and say ” You mean when you dragged me by the hair out of a local club?” He swore things would be different. He swore he loved me. Yes you know what I did, I went back. We were good for 6 months and he started having a beer or two.
Now all this time apart you would think I was getting stronger but no just the opposite I was lost after I placed my baby for adoption wanting to be loved I kept believing him and when he would tell me no one else would ever want me or love me I eventually believed this as well.
We had some nice days together but really more bad than good. I stayed another 10 years in this odd marriage of a sad lady and a drunk man. It is a recipe for disaster. We had his son living full-time for maybe five years of our marriage and he was also physically and verbally as well as emotionally abused. One night after his Dad was horrible to him he picked up the phone no not to call the police but to call his brother and he moved out.
We had two rigs I drove one him the other. I drove local and he was on the road. I had peace till he arrived home.
I met him in the end of 1978 and in May of 1995 I called the police on him for the very first time. He had held a loaded gun to my head and told me I smelled to good to have been in a rig all day. I asked him to put the dogs out before he killed me so they would not see me like that. He lowered the 44 cal. pistol and poured himself another drink. He had made it up to almost two fifths of Canadian Club on a drinking day. When he passed out I hid the gun. I told him he was to LEAVE NOW and to GET OUT. I called the police and they escorted him from the home. I went the next day and got a retraining order on him. A year later the judge told him to watch me leave the court room, as I was the best thing he ever had in his life and he had destroyed me as well.
When I received my divorce decree, I was given a permanent restraining order against him. Funny I guess no one read his to him. A year to the day he showed up here wanting to say Hi. I yelled from the door ” I’m calling the police! ” he walked out of the yard and I have never laid eyes on him again. I also gave him all the so-called friends and I set about rebuilding my life. Working hard, giving love another chance to ending that after eight years, on my terms. It was time to make my life for me and a few years after being alone, the one man I always loved walked back into my life. I am so blessed.
I now know why I made it. I had Angels watching over me through all the beatings and the insanity of me sticking it out , till a gun was pulled. I am strong. I made it when so many lost their lives loving the wrong person, better yet not loving themselves. I now know I stopped loving me the day I signed on that bottom line letting my baby go to a home where I would not be. I knew what I did for that couple with no baby of their own was good but I hated myself that day so why would anyone ever love me, really love me.
So now that my son and I have found each other and he knows I always loved him and he loves me I can finally let go of the pain of loss and begin to live again.
I am working on accepting the fact that I deserve happiness though it doesn’t come easy for me. Funny how it all comes together after a 32 year detour but it has and I am so very happy to share my world with the love of my life and my son and my two cute pets and all of you.
I am so blessed.
As a new year begins for me alongside this stream I feel like the time is coming to share a few personal things with you.
No not that personal well then again maybe.
You know insight, a reason for still being here. I thought I could hide behind a few pretty pictures but a few have seen through my exterior and are behind me hiding but also know in time my story will come to light. I am really writing a few books, I have the words all in my head now to make them come out the way you who write do. Guess that is my fear that in telling a story the reason for it gets lost in the wrong words as I am not a writer maybe more a story-teller, again hiding the real heartbreak.
So 35 years ago I was a month away from having my baby. No way of knowing the sex back then. I was just 21 and the baby’s father wanted me to have an abortion. Are you kidding me, this is what you say to a young woman you have known all your life. A girl next door. One you had unprotected sex with not once but two times. I was devastated that I was pregnant and unmarried me the good girl, the Girl Scout, the Rainbow Girl. I do not know what I wanted him to say as he was not marriage material, I knew that but we were friends. He was a year older and had lived a troubled life, I know I have to stop making excuses for him. So I grabbed the cash that was offered to FIX IT and drove home in tears.
I told no one. Only he and I knew. I did tell him before walking out with the cash to NEVER come near me again.
I went to a clinic finally in my six month. I then told my Mom in the seventh month I guess that way no one could do a thing about it, like what he had suggested. My Mom was upset but I was 21 and living out on my own and working sixteen hours each day. What she did not know till my eighth month was that I had gone down to a local adoption agency and had picked new parents out for my baby, who had yet to be born.
Her sister had cancer and could not have babies and had adopted two little boys that she adored. She made a difference in their lives. Two boys from two different mothers. Her world was complete. I knew I would be a great mom I was awesome with children but I could not be a dad as well. My child deserved the best in life and I set out alone to make that happen. Twenty one really was young back then to do all that thinking alone. The ocean became my favorite place to go and walk in tears or sit and think and pray to God for him to watch over this child.
So in my eighth month I asked Mom to go to the adoption agency and sign the papers as a witness. I look back now and think what a horrible person I must have been to make her sign below my name giving up the first grandchild. She wanted me to bring home the baby and with their help I could do it she assured me I could but it was my child and I wanted more for it. She never spoke to my dad about signing the papers and when he took me to the hospital in labor that Saturday morning he had no idea what I was doing. I knew I had disappointed them and brought shame upon them but I always made it better in my mind knowing I had chosen life for my child and a home where they wanted a baby so bad because they could not have their own. I am not sure my parents ever truly forgave me in their hearts as it was never spoken about again. You see I was all alone at the hospital in labor doctor said I could still change my mind, it was my baby. Nurses held my hand as I gave birth to the most beautiful baby boy. Blonde hair and Blue eyes. He weighed 9 lbs. 8 oz. I had him completely natural. I swore to God that day I would do anything and go through what ever hell I had to as long as he always watched over my baby.
That baby will be thirty-six come February. Yes I met him over the phone when he was 31. A year and half later he drove into my front yard here along this stream, where he said a Great Blue Heron had welcomed him. He may have been away from me for thirty-one years but without a doubt he is truly my child. He is so beautiful ok handsome and such a beautiful artist and I will be sharing all I can about him, with you, because he has made a beautiful ending that all stories should have.
Now there will be some more stories I will share with you that you can be sure of but my days are numbered with you, hiding behind photos. I will really kick it into gear to sell them as cards, puzzles or prints. You see I really am writing a few books when I can sit with less pain in my heart .
Thank you Chris another blogger who knows another part of my life through our blogging but this is where the life I lead began and it where I really had to begin the story from, as after thirty-one years I finally know WHY. Why I was who I was. Why I allowed others to do what they did to me but you know what there is a very happy ending and I thank God for making that possible. There have been many times in my son’s life and mine that had things gone differently we never would have held each other and kissed or felt complete.
Thanks for listening
She is playing Peek A Boo. I better watch out she is 12 and now acting like a kitten again. I am blessed with such beautiful animals but I bet you may have heard me say that already, sorry
When Mom gave us her cats old tower I never thought ours would love it as she does. Her cat and ours are the same age but I think Mom said he didn’t like it anymore because she is 77 and not up to chasing him around much anymore. This toy was attached to the huge tower and as you can see our little girl is full of playfulness
She is watching me take her photos and really waiting for me to wiggle it again so she can KILL IT
THE LOOK! I better watch my hands and face
She has now turned away from me and her toys and is watching all those pretty Chickadees, Nuthatches, Blue Jays, Juncos, Finch and pretty Red Cardinals. The birds are loving that an area has been cleared of two days worth of snow and I have spread on top of the snow some fresh seed for the ground eaters.
Not sure if I told you this cats story I must get my scanner plugged in so I can show you her and her sister who an old boyfriend saved from a woman who was going to do away with. Yes kill. He came home from work and walked in with a picnic basket I looked at him kind of strange and he said I brought you something. How nice a basket for me to fill with goodies he wants me to cook oh I love those kinds of gifts no really this was very odd flowers all the time picnic baskets no.
He sat it down on the couch and he told me to check it out and when I opened it there were two tiny 3 or 4 week old kittens huddled together inside, scared. I had lost my 15 year old cat not long before and missed Rocky so much. These two had the same markings but this ones sister was Gray. They were so beautiful. They did everything together. They would climb up us and knead our clothes and suck on our clothing, they missed their Mommy and I would need to get their food soft enough for them to lap up. I also started giving them a quarter size of Half and Half this kitty up above still 12 years later knows when my coffee is ready she gets her treat.
Now when he brought these two home we had 3 of my dogs still alive plus I told him to bring his dog over to join my family pets. I have to tell you these four dogs were the most gentle dogs I have ever seen. My three were hunting dogs, Springer Spaniels and his was a mix which was the goofiest dog I had ever met. Just a happy go lucky dog he was sort of like his owner. Add laughter here. Now back to the two kittens when the dogs would come in wet they would lay for hours licking the dogs paws dry. I am serious this place I live is amazing. They were lost when all 3 dogs were put down at 13 to 15 years old somehow they all got so old their lives were spent in horrible pain and they were ready. I went maybe a year or two without a dog it was hard.
Now for the sad part just after we brought JT home from a farm in VT all of us were out playing in the yard the two cats, the puppy and us. It was end of June and cats stayed out for hours running the yard or sunning themselves. When we went in for the night I yelled for the two cats Rhythm and Blues to come in yes they were cats but came when called just like they were dogs. Rhythm came running and Blues didn’t that was odd they were always joined at the hip. I yelled for her over and over and the current man in my life (last man) said she will be back but she never was. She was the most loving of the two and adored the dogs had she had a run in with a Fisher Cat or a Fox I didn’t know about the Coyotes being out back, back then. Ron said he had seen a huge Owl as well. They were smaller type barn cats. We have Hawks too. The worst part, night after night for me, was calling out to see if I could hear her cries, I never did. It tore me to pieces the not knowing what had happened to our loving and trusting cat.
So this cat above now follows me like she is a dog. She stays with us on walks like she knows. With the snow for last few days she has not wanted to go out not sure if it the deep snow on her feet or the winds kicking up a scent of something evil lurking close bye but I am happy she choose to spend more time inside with us. I know she is old now but cats can live a lot longer than dogs so I am hoping for more days with her up upon her new cat tower.
When her and JT are no longer here with us there will be no more pets for me, I just can’t the GOODBYES.
PS I forgot to tell you at twelve she still wants to knead our clothing and suck on us kind of odd but I do allow it till her claws start to poke my skin then she is placed beside me much to JT’s disgust she is not like the other dogs in my past she doesn’t like to share.