It is Saturday morning and time for some coffee and run through my blog roll and to let you know life’s twists and turns are still happening but trying to find silver linings all the same.
Mom’s surgery to fuse her leg will be next Wednesday from what she told me about her meeting with surgeon it will be 3 to 4 hours under sedation as they place a rod from her hip down the leg to her ankle wonder how they will account for the inches in height each year 😦 yes I am always left with these type of questions as it is my brother and sister in law that are handling all of moms affairs. I had no car for 2 years so hard to take her to and from constant appointments.
I had a shocking call as well just before the fourth seems I have not heard from my stepson for 2 years and in that time he was addicted to Heroin. What happened to meting friends for some pizza and beer 😦 the call I received was to let me know he had overdosed and was gone. Just 42. Kind of old I thought for such heavy drug use but seems it is all the rage which yes which has me enraged at societies who do nothing to stop the influx of poison on it’s people sort of as if they have the opposite plan 😦 He was laid to rest two days ago no longer will he suffer with feeling so useless and lost that a drug of this caliber could make him feel whole. RIP Jimmy how I wish you were still a little boy.
I still take photos and paint but with all that has been going on it has become somewhat forced as a way to walk away and chill. I like when it is fun and this has not been a god run on fun.
I did enter 2 of my Watercolors in a Themed Art Show “Coastal New England” at Seacoast Art Association just to try one out 🙂 I would rather sell each piece for $45.00 and let the buyer mat and frame to their liking. They will hang till Aug.1st with an Artist Reception on Friday, the 17th though not sure how my mom will come through surgery so I will not plan on attending unless all goes well.
Hope you are all doing better than me man has it been a rough stretch.
Trying to catch up on life in the world of blogging 🙂 It will be fun reading all I can of yours.
Here are a few updates on my world if you have been following along that is.
May had me busy with Mom daily from 7 AM till 7 PM except days my brother took her into Boston to have her cast changed, about every 2 weeks or so. Last time I posted was on the 17th I think.
With a new Pacemaker keeping my man’s heart beating properly I am still fearful for him who has diabetes, High blood pressure, arteries filling with crud faster than a new diet plan can fix.
He is home and feeling better and just had another birthday which would not have been possible had he not said yes to the surgery. On the day after his return from hospital stay I rounded the corner to home only to see loose dogs in the roadway and a man on the ground appearing to be looking under his truck but something just said to call out “Hey you OK?” no reply so I dial 911 and ran to his side with my man leaving JT in the car and joining me. Others joined in when they saw me run and then yell towards the home where he was parked. A woman with severe anxiety said she had taken a course long ago in CPR so as the 911 responder and I counted she pumped on his poor chest. I had seen him take his last breath as his arm slowly fell to the ground, his mother in disbelief kept walking back into the house leaving us with her son.
In the end we would learn he had recent heart issues and had come home to tell his mom “I may make it to my 42 ND birthday” he died the day before and in doing so I hope all the while my man was paying attention and feeling a little more grateful and not thinking of the pain he was in. I swear I can not make up this life I live.
Now I was so stressed with leaving him home alone to recover while I sat with Mom and called endlessly for her cat Ralfie to come back home. I prayed as well as made promises and got a call from someone who saw his photo on Facebook Missing Pets pages, many of them I added his photo too, though knowing in my gut he was close and just scared to show himself, indoor only cats are like that but I never gave up. I filled traps that caught my brother’s cat and a possum but not a gorgeous black cat.
Some were getting angry I am sure for trying to keep mom positive about finding him after all he was just a cat right, well no he was her world. He kept her going after dad died needing food and fresh litter and lots of hugs how could I tell her to give up when he never gave up on her for those 4 months she spent away from him in hospital and rehab facilities.
So back to the call and the text of a photo of a cat just like him. He was really just a town away and after 17 days gone surly he could travel the 4 miles in the woods but cross the river I doubt it but I wanted to return him so badly to mom who was loosing her mind with worry as well as her will to get strong and go home. I went two times to try to coax cat out and into the cat carrier but last attempt with my brother was the saddest. We had taken 2 cars so he went back home to mom and I travelled in tears to my home arriving long after my due time praying the cage I left would soon have Ralf inside. I was not home but 5 min. when my brother called to ask me to just go back to that couple’s home and retrieve his carrier. It was as if I was the only one who believed he would come back to her. I prayed not only for God to show him the way home but closed my eyes on the way home asking my daddy to show the knucklehead the way back to Tom’s home. So I asked are you giving up too? He then says” actually Ralf is sitting on moms lap as we speak!”. Are you kidding me I went from such despair to such joy all within moments HE WAS HOME!
Seems his daughter was in a new car with her boyfriend who was learning to clutch again and as he stalled out the headlights stayed on and they saw his beautiful green eyes shining brightly just 2 doors down on steps that looked just like the ones he ran down as he had made his escape. They came home got a towel to wrap/catch him in and he was home! He was so emaciated having lost 1/3 of his weight and his hind leg was out of its socket but he was in moms lap.
Now to get them both on their feet and as healthy as they can be with her almost 80 and him next weekend turning 15.
Oh and I think I see my first gray hair growing at my hairline in front, stayed tuned more to come trust me lol
Forgot to upload his AFTER photo sorry I will add later.
We have had a few days where it got warm, well warm after what we have dealt with. Then we had ice and I mean horrible stuff! We would chop and chop when the sun warmed it and then while we rested each evening, it would freeze up all over again.
I know before long it will be just and ugly memory. Soon we will be seeing joy spread across our country and gardens bloom once again. It will fill us with hope and warmth, which is where I am at today.
Some of you who follow me on Facebook know the story, as do most who have read my stories from long ago. You know I got hurt bad but I survived. I have loved and lost only to love again. It really is just basic life isn’t it. Ups and downs, give and take.
Well the electric bill is so high and 100 gal. of propane cost over $440 and lasts but 3 weeks if we are lucky. We live on a fixed income, as we are both retired and the checks we get each month are divided up for all of our bills. Sometimes we can do something fun and other times we find fun close to home. We are better off than many but still poor when it comes to income brought in, so when they refused to bring me more propane on Friday or even to let me order another 100 gal.because we had a $160.00 balance and no income till 8 days later I had to ask the town for help and then I had to do what I tried not to do. I had to ask for fuel assistance.
Now if you know me you know that it angers me to have to request help. I am hit by someone doing something wrong and left unable to make the income I used to depend on and they go about their business, still driving a bus and making good money. I guess I go from angry to sad but on this day something changed. I mentioned to the woman taking our application for help that maybe when I hit 60 I could get the Social Security I worked so hard for, as I was the surviving spouse. She looked at me and asked if they said those exact words to me and I answered yes. She asked me to go home and call the government office as she believed it meant my ex-husband had died and I was entitled to it now. Well I did and they confirmed he had indeed passed away and I would now get his check if it was more than mine. So I made an appointment for after my birthday and in between surgeries to bring in my marriage certificate into them so they had proof we were married the required amount of years. Now remember I drove a rig over three million miles and worked hard and missed out on so many things others enjoyed, because I LOVED trucking. So once I go in with this certificate, I will find out if I can come off State aid and really that is all I am praying for. I want to be independent again.
While going through paperwork looking for a piece of paper I thought I had thrown away in 1995 I came across so many documents I would no longer need. So out came the paper shredder and I began to rid myself of all that really no longer mattered. With each piece that got fed through the blades, the weight of it all was not only freeing but sad. I guess after having a restraining order for over 15 years on him and holding on to all of our records just in case I would need them was 14 years too long. I made a dent in the massive boxes of trucking paperwork we had amassed in our 15 years of marriage. The first load was placed into the compost bin where it will sit and be covered by kitchen scraps and breakdown into something good. It will become beautiful rich soil, for new life to grow in. I could not think of a better way to deal with all of this.
So with all of this on my plate I will wander in and out of my blog adding a new one here or there as time allows for and a few interesting blogs from those I follow. I will do more of this purging and cleaning and letting go and spend my days feeling free from worry. I will smile more I am sure. I am sad he destroyed so much and in the end himself but I will pray for him to finally be able to rest in peace, as it is what I wish for each and every troubled soul.
I will continue to read your blogs in my readers, WP and Feedly and try to keep up, as I love you all and what you do is important. You keep it real, you show us pretty places and you write so eloquently. I love the poetry and the stories you tell and I will forever be thankful for the kindness you have shown me. I am not going anywhere just trying to get my act and home in order so I can have the procedures done and put my feet up in the sun with all of you and enjoy what life has in store.
Sun was shining, people from all over the world were running the Boston Marathon and the 26 miles of roadways were lined with happy cheering people.
Two bombs went off
A little eight year old has passed away before their life even began.
Tears shed by the world at large or those with hearts anyway.
The last mile was in memory for the children who were murdered in CT.
The poor first responders that were at the finish line to help with fatigue after they had topped Heartbreak Hill and to give them a place to rest and fluids could not be ready for what took place here today.
What is wrong with the world today?
There are now armored personal carriers at our local hospital where I take Mom every 3 months for a check up I did a post on that pretty garden down the street from the same hospital this is just simply another sad day in the history of the world and today was Boston’s turn.
Doctors are pulling ball bearings from people’s bodies.
A dirty bomb is used daily in many countries but this is Boston and it was gorgeous and just a perfect day for the runners.
In tears so sad saying prayers and sending out mad love to all those heroes that stopped the bleeding for so many to get them to help.
For those of you who live in countries where this has become so normal I am so sorry it is not what living is supposed to be like.
Today we will walk the shore before the snow moves in and covers this beautiful seaside landscape but with an ocean storm soon to brew, we will be back next week with both metal detectors to see what has been thrown up upon the sand.
Our hearts are broken with all the senseless killing of adults and children here in New England as well as all over this world we live in. This family lived less than five miles from me until just over 10 years ago. There had to be warning signals. I see them in children of friends and no one ever seems to say a word. I am one who speaks up and then pulls away when the correct thing is not done, though if something as horrible as a plot was known to me I would say something but would authorities interfere?
I own guns, I have been trained in the use of them and would never hesitate to protect someone from being killed, by someone who meant them harm. I am not evil, my gun is not evil but sadly not all who are allowed to PLAY WITH GUNS, SHOULD.
So as you go about your daily lives judging or just keeping your mouths shut for fear of hurting someones feelings or even just minding your OWN BUSINESS, know that by closing yours eyes to the obvious you are in fact perpetuating evil, ever so small it may be at the time. I see how children treat their parents I am sure you have too or how they treat animals and even strangers. We all have seen this. I decided a long time ago I would give up my life to protect someone from loosing theirs, it is just who I am. I will not walk by as someone is mistreating another human or animal they are supposed to love and respect. I will say something for the person or animal unable to SPEAK UP for themselves.
The poor families from this recent mass murder now face a lifetime without their babies and for those who just went to work at that school who lost their lives they leave families behind left to ask WHY?
Please say a prayer for them and your loved ones as you never know when true evil will walk in on them